I love this quote from David Whyte:  “To become human is to become visible, while carrying what is hidden as a gift to others.”  The quote speaks to me especially at this stage of my life as I finally feel like I’ve made it to a shore where I can safely stand. 

                Through the work that I am doing in helping myself and others Compose Our Own Narratives, I am able to look at my life in a way that allows me to appreciate the journey I’ve been traveling.  Part of a healthy retrospective view is gaining an understanding of how my early life experiences included gifts that gave me the discipline to work hard and keep persevering.  At the same time, I can see how those early experiences also left me broken in ways, and the harm that we can impose on others when we are not whole within ourselves.

                This experience of finding a piece of land — speaking metaphorically  — where I can take in all parts of my life is allowing me to become more visible.  I have withheld a lot of who I am because of my early life experiences that seem so different from the more perfect lives I thought others had.  I didn’t think I would be understood or accepted if I shared those parts. 

                Here’s another thing I learned about sharing the darker parts of my life journey: It isn’t necessary to go into what some describe as the gory details.   The important information can be conveyed from a high-level summary.  Acknowledging that I grew up in a very dysfunctional extended family conveys the message that there were barriers and hurdles that interfered with forming healthy relationships.  Think of such overview statements as “setting the scene” in a way similar to what we see when we go to a play. When the program indicates that Scene 1 opens in Berlin in 1941, we immediately begin to associate more specific information from what we know about World War II.

                One of the greatest takeaways from facilitating and participating in work that helps integrate a life is that I discovered that most everyone has traveled through spaces where there were many hardships.  Witnessing others telling their journeys has not only helped me develop a deeper self-compassion.  I couldn’t have predicted the depth of compassion for others’ life journeys that the experience has led to for me. 

                This work has helped me become more visible.  I have stayed in the shadow most of my life with the exception of what I have been comfortable sharing with close friends.  Listening to others’ stories has allowed me to accept myself – gifts and shortcomings as well – as human.  Becoming visible means being willing to share more of my inner life, to share some of the issues that I struggle with, to risk mentioning what I want to accomplish, or a goal that I want to achieve.

                All of the above invites me to share another great quote authored by Mary Rose O’Reilly:

One can, I think, listen someone into existence, encourage a stronger self

to emerge or a new talent to flourish.”  And in learning to listen well, one

 can  also learn to be listened to, “to be able to stand being heard.  It’s

frightening  because true attention…invites us to change.”

I feel like I have lived the above quote as I have been blessed with wonderful people in my life who have seen things in me that I didn’t see in myself.  I often wondered over the years how it is that they come to believe in me, but I know that their beliefs in me have lifted me to believe in a richer version of myself.

                Being listened to does make a difference, and in the start-up phase of being with people who listen to you can be exhausting.  One of my colleagues who has become a published poet has great intuitive insights.  She has a remarkable and deep way of noting the present and the deeper experiences of our lives.  Whenever I would meet her for lunch or breakfast, she had a way of asking me thought-provoking questions.  I had to go delve deeper into my inner world when with her, but her questions and her deep listening helped bring parts of myself into greater visibility.

                I had another friend who started as colleague, and for years she showed great interest in me, and was always quite generous in noting parts of me that she really appreciated.   I believe that both of these women as well as others in my life have helped bring more definition to who I am.  I don’t know how such spirits enter our lives, but I am grateful.  I also hope that maybe I am doing the same for others.

                I closed a class I was facilitating this morning with a quote from Anthony De Mello that provides a good wrap for my thoughts today:

                                “It is a sobering thought that the finest act of love you can perform

                                is not an act of service but an act  of contemplation, of seeing.  When

                                you serve people, you help, support, comfort, alleviate pain.  When

                                you see them in their inner beauty and goodness, you transform and

                                create.”

                May you be blessed with others on your life’s journey whose generous gifts of listening and seeing will help you discover the less visible gifts that you bring to others.

                Namaste!