Challenges/Gifts of Gate Three: The Clay Gate
05_20_2022
The Challenges and Gifts of Gate Three: The Clay Gate
As a reminder, this series of Blogs is based on the work of Angeles Arrien’s book, The Second Half of Life: Opening The Eight Gates Of Wisdom. Just to recap, each of the eight gates has a unique focus that offers us valuable gifts once we meet the challenges and the work associated with passing through the gate.
I initially began delving into the research on human development when I was in graduate school completing my doctorate degree. My introduction to this work began in my first-year Introduction to Psychology course where I learned about Erik Erikson’s model of human development. I was intrigued by his work that laid out how our lives evolved, including descriptions of the competing pulls or forces at each stage of our lives.
I didn’t find his descriptions to be prescriptive, nor did I feel bound or limited by his brief descriptions of the major tasks associated with aging. His observations of stages of adult development coincides nicely with Gail Sheehy’s work described in her book, Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life. I found it reassuring to read others’ perspectives on the various stages of our lives.
I’ve also referenced in earlier blogs that my professional responsibilities included developing a vision for a new venture at what is now Lasell University. As Dean of the College whose responsibilities included oversight of all of the educational offerings, I was charged with the additional task of developing a vision for first continuing care retirement community (aka as a “CCRC”) in the country to be built on the campus that included an educational component to support the residents’ continuing education and development. At the time, there were plenty of naysayers who tried to persuade others that adults at later stages of their lives were no longer capable or interested in continuing to develop.
Happily, for those of us who are interested in making the most of the later stages of our lives were proven wrong. If you interested in learning more about the CCRC referenced above, here is the link to Lasell Village that now houses over two hundred residents in a beautiful setting on the campus of Lasell University. https://lasellvillage.com/
As the number of seniors (let’s say those of us over 65) continues to claim a larger percentage of the U.S. population, there appears to be a growing interest in educating us about both the challenges and opportunities that accompany the aging process. I’m finding it a challenge to keep up with all of the new releases and perspectives intended to help us make the most of this stage of our life.
Arrien’s book is proving to be a useful resource for me as well as to the participants in the classes I’m offering. Earlier blogs addressed the first two of the eight gates. The Silver Gate (the 1st gate) stresses the importance of our remaining curious and engaged in new learning, discovering new areas of interest to pursue. A prerequisite for sustaining a healthy curiosity as we age includes letting go of our preconceived notions and fixed views of reality behind. Once we can let go of these notions, we are more prepared to accept our aging as well as the gifts offered to us at this stage of our lives.
The second gate described as the White Gate invites us to examine the various roles we have assumed from childhood to our adult lives. We’re invited to reflect on these roles to discern which ones we are ready to let go of or modify as we continue to evolve. This work has been helpful to me as I’m developing new interests and need time to pursue them. As I am able to let go of the most time-consuming roles I’ve carried in the past, I am finding I have more time to devote to what is calling me at this stage of my life.
There is a myth about aging that runs along the lines of the following: “Once we retire or step away from the work and roles that we’ve assumed in the past, we have all of this unclaimed time on our hands.” One soon learns that this statement is truly a myth. Personally, I find that as I continue to care for my home, tend to my own self-care and to the relationships that I enjoy, my daily schedule fills up quickly. I recognize that as I age, tasks may take more time for me to complete than was required in the past. Plus, I have days where my energy and stamina hold throughout the day, and other days where I appreciate having the flexibility to rest for a period during the day.
The work of the Clay Gate includes investing in our self-care. I joined a gym last year that is appealing to older adults. It is primarily about strength training, but also offers classes on mobility strengthening, good nutrition, and other forms of self-care. The monthly fee gave me pause about joining, but when I considered the fee in terms of what I was getting, I decided I could give up something else if necessary.
When one of my classes spent time discussing potential changes in our lives that this Gate invites, we shared how we were spending more money on buying comfortable shoes, particularly walking shoes. The work associated with this Gate involves “accepting our changing physical reality and learning to unconditionally befriend our bodies.”
Once I befriend my aging body, I am much more willing to invest in what it needs to function more fully and more comfortably. It also helps to remember that we each are not aging on our own; it is a process that we are called to experience.
I just came back from a weeklong retreat on The Soul of Aging. It was an incredibly worthwhile experience, and I hope to write about what I learned once we finish Arrien’s work exploring The Eight Gates of Wisdom.
