07_27_2018

The Elusive Virtue of Patience

Currently I’m in the midst of a couple of situations in which I realize the challenge but importance of trying to practice patience.  While I’m generally a fairly calm person as viewed by those observing me, and to some degree I agree with that assessment, I know from my internal struggles that my practice of patience at times can be a challenge.

Different kinds of things from fairly insignificant to significant can try my patience.  The phrase try my patience is actually an idiom, best understood by replacing the word try with the word test.  Recently in the middle of doing a load of laundry, my washing machine just quit after the wash cycle.  Everything just shut down, including the water used in the wash cycle couldn’t drain.  So I had to scoop all of the water out with a plastic storage container, and then unload all of the items, piece-by-piece, placing each piece in a big plastic bin. Everything was far too wet to put in the dryer, so I hauled everything to a nearby laundromat and rewashed everything in order to get the soap out as well as to spin dry the items before placing them in the dryer.

I knew I had to take this step as typically there is a least a 5-7 day wait before finding someone that can come and service a broken appliance.  So off to the laundromat I went, and I no sooner made it inside the facility and the area was hit with a 25-minute microburst that led to flash flooding.  At first I was annoyed with the washing machine breaking down, quickly realizing that I was going to have to figure out temporary solutions to do laundry until I could get the machine repaired – hopefully.  I did pass through a moment of what I would describe as boarding on impatience, but I moved through that space pretty easily.  Actually, once I was stuck inside the laundromat, I became aware that I was enjoying the opportunity to witness the heavy downpour.  There were lots of windows through which to witness the storm, and the doors were open, inviting in the cool breeze and blowing winds that accompanied the storm.  Had my washing machine not broken down, I would have been at home busy doing something and would most likely not have had the same chance to experience a summer storm.

Life experience has the added benefit of realizing that simple issues like needing to service a washing machine while it may be inconvenient can generally be worked around – including getting it repaired – without  a whole lot of life interruption.  So I’m learning that I can – with a moment or two of stepping back when these types of situations occur – regain perspective which aids in soothing my patience.  So in these types of circumstances, I feel like remaining patient is doable.  Better yet, I can actually see that I’m making progress in my life on maintaining and valuing the importance of perspective.

So let me share the two types of situations that most try my patience, and they occur both in my professional as well as in my personal life.   The first is when people are just unable to reach a more enlightened or higher level of thinking on issues that matter.  The second is when people do understand a more enlightened position but back away from claiming it for fear of standing in opposition to the group.  So these two trials or tests of my patience have something in common.  I describe the commonality as a waste of human potential.  Nothing quite has the power to depress me as bearing witness to  a person or group of people who by all outward appearances have the capacity to see reason and weigh multiple factors  in reaching a good solution but who back away from doing so for a variety of reasons.

As humans we’ve been given this wonderful ability to think and reason, yet it seems to me we so often just plain don’t use that capacity to the degree that we should.  To be clear, I’m focusing on adults when I use the word “human,” and on adults who have had the opportunity to gain some life experience as well as benefit from education.  We’ve all heard or used the phrase, “S/he should know better by now,” – a statement that suggests that we should be learning from our life experience.  As we age, I think we also move from being so focused on our present-day life, and we begin to think about what some would describe as our legacy: How do our present-day decisions, actions, and priorities impact the generations that follow us.

To be honest, I am sometimes guilty of not using my mental abilities to their fullest extent.  There are so many fronts in our current lives that need attention in our present-day world, whether it be the environment, the national debt, the growing income inequality, race relations, how we behave as global citizens, etc.  Do I do as well as I would like to on every one of these fronts on a daily basis?  Absolutely not!  But here’s the thing.  I am trying to continue to educate myself on these and other important issues, and I am mindful of the need to make sure that my actions conform with my beliefs and intentions.  So, for example, when I see a sign at the recycling center reminding me that I need to rinse out plastic bottles that I’m recycling, I work at doing that.   Do I still buy plastic bottles of water – yes, sometimes, but I’m trying to use my own water bottle as much as I can.

So by no means am I above being the subject of my own impatience.  But I at least have some awareness of where I need to make some progress, and I’m willing to listen to suggestions and to try and educate myself on how I can do better.

What really frustrates me and where I find it very challenging to be patient is when adults who I feel should know better and who have every reason to have some “skin in the game” refuse to look beyond their present action.

Without  diving too deeply into our present political climate in the Trump administration, I don’t understand how people can go along with reversing steps that have been taken by previous administrations to reduce our carbon imprint and to reduce our debt.  I have colleagues and relatives who don’t believe that any of our human behaviors are impacting the environment, even though there have been so many research studies completed that show just the opposite.  Likewise, some of my younger relatives are excited by the recent big tax cuts based on the fact that see slightly more money in their paychecks.  Here’s a piece of the equation I just don’t get.  Many of these people that I interact with on these issues have children and in some cases, they have grandchildren.  It doesn’t take a whole lot of thought to realize that the decisions we make on both of these issues are highly likely to have a significant impact on the next generations.  These impacts can be positive or negative, and much of the control of  the resulting outcomes  lies in our hands.

I have frequent conversations about these issues with several close friends.  One of them reminds me that not everyone is capable of thinking on a higher level.  I get that some issues like the complexities of research on climate change may be beyond the average person’s grasp, but the outcomes and suggested steps for improving things have been repeatedly presented in pretty basic terms.

I’m currently reading Jon Meacham’s book, The Soul of America:  The Battle for Our Better Selves, and I’m gaining some fresh insights into our country’s history.  In particular, the book provides a panoramic view of our nation’s history in such a way that one can see the times we failed to live up to our best selves and how those times are at times overshadowed by the times when we made the right decisions.  Here’s a quote at the end of the Introduction:

History, Truman knew, is not a fairy tale.  It is more often tragic than comic, full of broken hearts and broken promises, disappointed hopes and dreams delayed.  But progress is possible.  Hope is sustaining.  Fear can be overcome!  What follows is the story of how we have endured moments of madness and injustice, giving the better angels of which Lincoln spoke on the eve of the Civil War a chance to prevail – and how we can again.

 So reading this book is giving me a richer soil in which to plant and nurture hope when I witness behaviors and beliefs that royally challenge my patience.  I’m using this quote – and the belief and evidence that sometimes the Soul of America listens to its better angels.  But I am also mindful of another point of view that helps me not be blown over when I hear or witness thinking that falls way short of our better selves.  See the quote in the same book attributed to the journalist H. L. Mencken:

Such obscenities as the forthcoming trial of the Tennessee evolutionist (referring to the Scopes Trial)…call attention dramatically to the fact that enlightenment, among mankind, is very narrowly dispersed….But the great masses of men, even in this inspired republic, are precisely where the mob was at the dawn of history…They know little if anything that is worth knowing, and there is not the slightest sign of a natural desire among them to increase their knowledge. (page 124).

 Bottom Line:  I believe it is helpful to understand the challenges that we face to encourage and to allow our better angels to guide us in our lives.  Rooted in the arc of hope that continues to shine light on examples where our better angels have prevailed, I am motivated to continue to work on finding more patience in an effort to create and cultivate the space for our better angels to prevail.  Hence, more evidence that I am still evolving and gaining some insights along my journey of opportunities where I could stand to do more work.  Namaste!