O9_05_2019

Attending to the Quality of Our Energy

Several things I’m reading right now have reminded me of the importance of paying attention to the quality of my energy.  One of the great aspects of having more control over how I spend my time is that I can be more selective of how I use my energy. Having more control means I can have more input into deciding how much time I spend with a group or an individual.

No more having to sit through very boring meetings that are more for show than for accomplishing any real change.  I worked in higher education for many years and I believe it to be an honest assessment to say that at least half of the meetings that I was required to attend as a senior leader of higher educational institutions were mostly a waste of time. Much time was spent in discussion, but often very little action resulted.

One question I ask myself now as I engage in other activities is, “How serious is this group of people about making progress in achieving our stated understanding of why we assemble or come together?” Granted, one inescapable aspect of being in a “group anything” is that decision-making is going to take longer than if one were to make the decision oneself.

My observation of group process is that as one gains more experience with it, there is a tendency to want to experience less of it.  I served in leadership roles in my Parish for several years, and once I stepped back to focus more on my own spiritual journey, I was less interested in spending time in discussing or playing a role in administrative tasks.

Attending to my energy in engaging with others isn’t just an issue in meeting with groups of people; I find it also applies to spending time with individuals.  While I don’t remember where I discovered some helpful insights into thinking about the quality of one’s relationships, I do remember some of the tips.

Do I feel like I was heard?  Did I enjoy the conversation?  Did the conversation flow easily, or did it demand effort to stay focused and to listen?  Did I learn anything from the conversation? Did I share myself in the conversation?  Can I articulate why I enjoy spending time with an individual?  Did I feel like I wanted to contribute to the discussion?

The telltale question for me after spending time with someone is “How do I feel after spending time with this person?” If I feel energized and a sense of growing connection with someone, then I know it was a good use of my energy.

Here’s what I am learning about my role in bringing good energy into interactions with others and with groups:  I bear some responsibility for attending to my energy in advance of gathering with others!  As expected, many things can impact the quality of our energy.  Some things we have little control over, and others we can exert some control on.  Being well rested as we start each day falls somewhere in between the two options, I think.  I know I am a creature who likes and needs my rest, so I aim for 8 hours of sleep a night.  If for some reason I don’t get close to the 8-hour mark, then I may well need to take a short nap midday so that I have good energy for the second half of the day. I used to think I was just being lazy if I wanted to close my eyes midday, but now I’m really finding that such care definitely makes a difference as I am far more productive in the second half of my day when I feel well rested.

I’m finding that as I age, how I feel when I wake up can vary day-to-day.  Yoga instructors remind us in every class that our ability to assume certain poses will vary daily and will depend on what our bodies are able to do that day.  This is one of those situations in which I would describe myself as a “slow learner.”  Truth be told, I have some internal CD that just plays the tune of “You can push through this.” It has taken me awhile to accept the truth that my body is a complex and dynamic system, and it is going to respond differently each day.  As I more readily accept that truth, I can explore how I can work with it to accomplish what I hope to.

I am also learning that if I plan well, and make sure that I allow whatever time I need to “prep” for engaging with others, my energy is more focused and accessible.  I am much more relaxed and at ease when I feel well-prepared for a business or group meeting focused on a specific reason for gathering.  In order to allow adequate “prep” time, I have to avoid waiting until the last minute to feel like I’m ready.  I hate rushing and feeling like I’m racing time, so planning in advance has served me well.

When I’m meeting with a friend for lunch or dinner, I take time to think about our relationship, where our conversation left off last, and what I would like to share about what is going on with me.  I find that my time spent in holding space for each relationship allows me to bring some quality energy to our time together.

With most of my friends, I work on understanding each of our quirks, including my own, so that I can make room for those quirks to exist without getting irritated or frustrated by them.  One of my quirks is that especially in conversations with more than one person, if someone in the group dominates the conversation, I can find myself just “diving for shelter” and clamming up.  There have been times when I’ve been to dinner with 4 or 5 folks and I’ve shared very little about myself.

I’m working on not doing that as I realize that when I choose that option, I am not really showing up.  I may be present in the group, but I don’t have a presence.

I’ve also learned that energy can be infused with qualities like nurturance, compassion, creativity, encouragement, purpose, etc.  And while any of these qualities can just flow from us on a given day without a lot of effort, being present and intentional about how we use our energy certainly helps us in calling forth the self that we want to be present.

I’m finding that the shreds of wisdom I feel like I’m gaining as I age are helping me find the path that I want to travel. As I have eased into what it means to be more mindful and present in my awareness, I don’t find that it is more work to do so.  I relish the idea that by being more mindful and present, I am living a deeper and fuller life!