04_25_2021

An Antidote to Languishing

                A couple of days ago as I was working my way through the daily New York Times, an article by organizational psychologist, Adam Grant, caught my eye.  The article’s title, “There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing,” spoke to the inner guardians of my well-being.  And, I haven’t thought about the word “languishing” in ages. 

                To be sure that I had an accurate understanding of the meaning of “languishing,” I checked it out online and in a large dictionary I have had for a long time.  The meaning that spoke the loudest to me was “being in a state of decreasing vitality.”  The meaning resonated with some signals that I was noticing about my own state of mind. 

                One of the losses many of us have experienced in the pandemic is the opportunity to select from a wide range of activities on how we want to spend our time each day.  For health reasons, many of our opportunities to socialize have been limited.  As a result, doing things that provided stimulation and growth have also been limited. 

                I live within easy traveling distance of Boston, home to many wonderful museums, restaurants, and fun ways to spend time.  Traveling into the City for a day of  exploration has always provided me with stimulation and opportunities to ponder and pursue budding or expanded interests.

                Near the end of Grant’s article, he points out that one of the best ways to manage our emotions is by naming them.  He suggests that naming the feeling, “we can ‘defog’ our vision, giving us a clearer window into what had been a blurry experience.”

                I found Grant’s article very timely as I was noticing that I felt like it was taking me more effort and work to consistently welcome each day feeling energized by the choices I had on how I might choose to spend my time.  In short, I felt like feelings of “languishing” were creeping into my psyche.

                Time to mobilize.  And thanks to the goddesses of synchronicity, an idea offered itself as a possible antidote to letting my guard down in this Pandemic.  In one of the courses I’m facilitating, we had just finished identifying some of the elements that were part of the thresholds we find ourselves approaching as we begin a slow opening and possible return to what we’ve described as pre-Covid normal.

                One member of our course suggested that she wanted to make a “syllabus” of how she would spend her time in the next few months.  I jumped on the idea as offering us all a structured way of thinking about how we wanted to position ourselves for using our time well as we move forward.

                I drafted a simple template of a syllabus, encouraging all to treat each area in any creative way that appealed to them.  Here are the essential elements, some of which we’re added in based on our collective review of the concept:

• Course Title:  What do you want to name this collection of thoughts (I decided to construct what I call a “Wordle” for this.  Using the Developer application in Word, I simply listed about 50 words that represent aspects of what I want to focus on during this experience.  Sample words include: Exploration, Exercise, Engagement, Joy, Reflection, Intentionality, Wellness, New Learning, etc.
• Course Goals:  It may make sense to think of this as your intentions; what do you want to accomplish?
• Course Length:  What time period do the activities cover?  E.g., a month, four months, etc. I have opted to focus on May – August, focusing on what kind of activities are available to me over the summer months.
• Course Activities:  What activities do I want to prioritize in the next couple of months?  Examples include, Tending to and Enjoying My Gardens, Spending Time in Nature, Walking, Adding in Some Resistance Training, etc.  I made a special note that I want to participate in an activity each week that gets me out more.    I am realizing that while I have been coping well with less social contact, I want to reconnect with spending time with others whose company I enjoy.
• Resources:  What kinds of resources will help support my goals?  Do I want to buddy-up with someone as I pursue some of these activities?  For example, I could invite someone to walk with me once a week.  I could easily be classified as a hesitant re-joiner as I am still being overly cautious about too much contact with others until it is clearly less risky to spend extended time with others.  Other resources available to us during this time include reading, conversations with others, online learning, etc.   We need to get over feeling like we have to do everything on our own!
• Periodic Assessments:  Think about how you will periodically check in to see how you’re doing with meeting your intentions and goals.  These check-ins are not to be periods when you beat yourself up; instead, think of them as opportunities to re-set.  What can you add in to support your efforts?  Perhaps starting with more short-term goals instead of vague, longer goals.  I hope to start doing some resistance training at home since I’m not going to the gym, so I’ve identified that I will spend 15 minutes a day at least 3 days a week for the month of May doing some kind of resistance work.
• Warning Signals:  Pay attention to what may be more subtle signals that are trying to provide you with clues about how you’re doing.  If you realize that you have started to slip in achieving some of your intentions, pause and try a re-set or adjustment to what you’re trying to accomplish.   Think about switching things up.  Maybe instead of reading for an hour on a given day, try a movie as a means of engaging. 
• How Will You Judge Your Success:  Before you start on this journey, think about how you will measure your success, both at your interval check-ins and at the end of this journey.  These don’t have to be firm quantitative assessments but can be observational and more casual.  What matters most here is that you give yourself the opportunity to appreciate that you can influence and guide your own development and well-being.

Good luck as we continue this journey!  Make this fit your own life; have fun creating a focus for yourself as an antidote to loosing your resolve to travel through this stressful period while caring for yourself and others!