07_25_2021

Collaborating with Aging

                I have had the good fortune over the last several months to have discovered a series of Podcasts hosted by the Center of Courage and Renewal.  The title of the series is Notes in the Margins, a quite clever concept that appealed to me. 

                The commentary was provided by Parker Palmer, the original founder of the Center.  There were three podcasts in this series, one per month, and each one of them focused on one of the books Palmer has written.  I’ve read most of his books, and he has served as a great spiritual guide for me, both in my personal life and in my vocational calling working as an educator.

                I’ve just finished his most recent book, On The Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity, and Getting Old in time to be prepared to listen to his comments about this book.  I have underlined and starred many of the insights he has shared in this book.  I highly recommend this particular book for anyone who is exploring how to make the most of the aging process.

                I already know that I need to pick up this book again and read it more slowly from the beginning.  I am hoping that I can use it as a meditation guide over the next couple of months.  It is one of the most stimulating books I’ve read in a long time.  His offerings of wisdom and insights seem so simple that you can almost miss the power of his words which is why I think the book offers promise as a contemplative resource.

                One of his first gifts is reminding us that a certain point in our lives we become more aware that we have only so much time left to enjoy this gift of live.  My psyche seems ripe to absorb this message at present as I have recently witnessed the death of multiple colleagues along with some  friends receiving some life-changing medical diagnoses. 

I love his embracing the concept of “Enough Already” which he goes on to explain.  Instead of asking himself these questions – “What do I want to let go of, and what do I want to hang on to?” – he replaces them with “What do I want to let go of, and what do I want to give myself to?” 

                I find myself in a space that I hadn’t anticipated as I’m presently looking at my relationships and asking myself if I feel like they are life-giving, or instead, are we stuck in some kind of superficial rut? I’m interested to see if I can find a graceful way of bringing more life-enriching qualities to my relationships.  I recognize that I have played a part in letting relationships slip into less meaningful sharing.  Knowing that relationships are like sine curves, they have periods of closeness (the up part of the curve) interspersed with periods of feeling less connected (the downward dipping part of the curve), but relationships are capable of rebounding.

                It will be an interesting journey, and I going into this process with an intention of being kind, patient, and open to new learning.  I’ve actually finally put words to a thought that has been lurking close to the surface of my awareness for some time:  What is important for me to accomplish in the time that I have left in this life?

                I don’t have a sense of how I might die and when but being aware that we each have a limited number of years is motivating me to think about how I want to use the time that I have left.  I like the notion of collaborating with the aging process as I’m a realist in this regard.  I can work to keep myself active and healthy which I see as a respectful perspective that while I can’t bring the aging process to a complete halt, I may be able to slow it down a bit. 

I see our later years in life as presenting us with one of the best gifts that our lives have offered us.  What an opportunity to look back at our lives and find a way to celebrate our journeys, to appreciate lives that have been fully lived.  Even better is getting to a point where we can accept our humanness, an insight that allows us to embrace what we have done well as where we have fallen short in our own minds.

                By accepting our wholeness, we can approach Erik Erikson’s offering that this stage of life offers us the gift of Integrity.  We can finally accept our humanness that opens the door for us to love all parts of ourselves.  Our hearts having learned from our own humanness are able to pump with more compassion for the humanness we observe in others.

                More of us living in our later years need to use our voices to help reshape our culture’s view of aging.  There are many gifts waiting for us at this stage of our lives, insights that enable us to embrace our journeys with appreciation, astonishment bordering on awe, humor, and gratitude for the many gifts that have been bestowed upon us.

                Let’s not let others’ negative perceptions on aging rob us of the gifts we have worked so hard to earn.   I am putting some serious work into exploring what this stage of life offers and I hope to continue to write about the process.  I hope to let go of ways that I spend time that are life detracting, depleting my energy.  Instead, my goal is to explore and immerse myself in activities that are most definitely life-giving.

                Namaste.