Confused by All of the Advice on How to Live with More Free Time?

If your answer to this question, RELAX, as you’re definitely not alone.  I’ve been paying attention for some time to what is written about the process of aging and how to do it well.  By “well” I’m not focusing on one physical’s appearance and trying to look younger than one’s age.  Instead, in keeping with the theme of this Blog – Still Evolving – I’m referring to the steps that one can take to continue to evolve which leads to feelings of engagement, vitality, and that one’s life still matters.

In recent years I’ve read multiple articles about the importance of exercising and eating well in order to remain in good health, feel well, and have the energy to do things.  Obviously, it is more challenging to stay engaged if one is always tired, aching, and not feeling up to par.  As someone who puts energy and effort into adhering to these consistent  messages about what we can do to help us age well, I am at this point a true believer in following this bit of advice.

But to be clear, there are days that I give in to being a couch potato for part of the day, especially if I’m in the midst of a good book.   More on this later.  And, I have avoided engaging in “weekend warrior” approaches to exercising.  I have a Fitbit watch and aim for 50,000 steps a week; if I’m above 40,000 steps in a week of uncooperative weather like rain, sleet, and snow, I feel like I’ve done pretty well.  I typically attend yoga classes a couple of times a week if there are classes that I can fit into my schedule, but I’ve recently decided I need to get to the gym to do more resistance training to keep my muscle strength.  I’m comfortable with walking as my form of aerobic exercise; I used to run but don’t find that is good for me physically anymore.  My point here is that one should listen to one’s body and common sense; what can you do that offers you some enjoyment without making you hurt or come to hate the activity.

So exercising is one of what I refer to as my True North Compass points.  I am persuaded that exercising intelligently and consistently is a very good investment in one’s health and propensity to stay engaged in life’s activities.

So what’s the contrary advice I’m referring to?  Let’s start with a recent article in the New York Times (April 14, 2018) by Patricia Hampl.  The title, “Baby Boomers Reach the End of Their To-Do-List,” caught my attention and after reading the article which I found confusing I decided to get Ms. Hampl’s book – The Art of the Wasted Day – from the local library.  Spoiler Alert:  this is not a How-To book.  One reviewer describes it as “…the art of a lyrical contemplative self.  Through reflection and investigation, vignette and daydream, the author roams centuries and continents in this book.” (Quote on the jacket review by Margo Jefferson.)

Here’s my take on the primary message of the book.  In childhood we seemed more able to give ourselves up to “just wondering,” to contemplate and imagine without feeling like we had to accomplish something.  As an avid reader from the time I was in elementary school, I am comfortable with the author’s summary of how we spent some of our childhood hours.  I can remember losing myself in the description, plot, and characters within a good read.  I loved imagining my life and myself in these fictional settings.  I can still trace some of the imprints reading has had on my choices today.  In particular, while I can’t remember the specific sources, I remember reading many books in which the image of a “hurricane lamp” lit in the window was a welcoming sign of home.  To this day, I have a hurricane lamp in my front entrance way and in my bedroom.  The design – the flower imprints on the white glass – seems joyful to me!

I also get that as we’ve aged we get hooked to “To-Do” lists.  My “To-Do” lists as a child growing up – and I grew up in a family where children had daily chores – simply consisted of what I was expected to do.  I quickly realized that if I approached my assigned tasks with focus and an orderly approach, I could knock them off and have more time for relaxation and leisure.

So I don’t disagree with what I think is Ms. Hampl’s assumption that we’ve become almost enslaved by our “To-Do” Lists which typically we’re the ones creating.  But I also accept that there are some reasons for those “To-Do” Lists; in many ways they address the basic needs of life, and if we create them wisely, they can also be manageable and pave the way for bringing us joy in our lives.

I’m confused by some aspects of the author’s message.  I don’t, for example, associate relaxation or contemplation as wasteful ways of spending time, so I don’t understand the use of the term “wasted” in the book title that the NYT article was based on.  As I referenced in the opening of this Blog, I occasionally give in to what I refer to as my “couch days.”  Generally what leads me to a “couch day” is the awareness that my body is resisting or letting me know it’s really having to work hard to keep up with the tasks on my list for a given day.  Ultimately, I’ve learned that when I experience this persistent physical resistance, it’s wise to accept the message that my mind, body, and soul need some rest and relaxation.  So on those rare occasions which may be once a month if that often, I attend to what I deem as the most important chores on my daily “To-Do” list and then I grab a good book, find a movie I want to watch, or settle in for a cozy nap or some combination of these elements.

I know when I first succumbed to giving myself some ”couch time” during the day, I wondered if this was the beginning of the slippery slope of becoming a slug.  But lo and behold, what I found instead was that after a day of rest, I was raring to go.  My normal energy had returned and it was wise to listen to my body’s messages.  I have found this pattern repeated over and over.  And not once would I even think of referring to these healthy time outs  as “Wasted Days.”

So one of my True North Compass Points on staying engaged is to make sure that you listen to your mind, body and soul and recognize when you need some down time.  Once you recognize the need, make sure you have some fun things to choose from while you are relaxing, or a fun place to take a nap.  Most importantly, drown out any of those critical voices that want to describe this time as wasted.  Instead, ENJOY AND SAVOR every minute of your relaxation time out.  Pay attention to how you feel during the time you are relaxing as well as the following days.  Personally, I feel like time is expanded when I have an open window of unscheduled time to fill as I choose to.