05_02_2018

Dress to Spread Joy!

Many years ago I read a great passage in Margaret Mead’s autobiography titled, Blackberry Winter, My Earlier Years.  I was so moved by the passage that it has informed and shaped how I think about dressing to this day.

In searching for the passage, I discovered that I hadn’t transcribed it in any of my journals, so I had to go on a hunt for Mead’s book.  The book was first published in 1972, so I ended up having to visit 3 different town’s libraries to secure a copy.  The book is almost 300 pages in length, and I was hoping that I could find the passage easily by looking in relevant chapters.  But no such luck.  I did consider that I may have associated the passage with the wrong book or author, but I believed so strongly that I was on the right path that I chose to start at the beginning of the book to see if I could locate what I was searching for.

As it turns out, the words I was searching for were located on page 19, so I didn’t have to reread too far. Here’s the passage I was searching for:

“Pictures of me as a baby show me in the arms of my mother or grandmother, with their hair down and wearing wrappers, dressed in a way I have no memory of seeing either of them. Only now, after so many years, I realize that it was for her children’s sake that my mother pinned up her hair so carefully every morning as soon as she got up.  Earlier,  when I was too young to notice, she let it fall softly around her face – but later, never.  In turn, the first thing I do in the morning is to comb my hair, and, when my daughter was young I put on something pretty – as I still do when I am staying in a house  where there are children.”

The passage really spoke to me for reasons I’m not entirely clear about, but I know that I was struck by the idea that we have a choice of how we present ourselves to others.  Why is it that a mother would want her children to experience beauty, something pretty to look at?  My answer is simple:  By exposing children to aesthetically pleasing images, we give them a foundation to not only appreciate beauty, but to be inspired by it.  Searching for and appreciating beauty in all of the infinite ways in which we can experience it gives us a sense of hope and joy throughout our lives.

I can remember several thoughts that reading this passage brought to mind.  First, I have choices to make as I dress and present myself.  I don’t have to be ruled by fashions that make no sense to me – I can create my own style that suits my being.  Next, how I dress has an opportunity to convey a message to others.  I know that within the moment that I read this passage I mentally noted that I would always choose to include some aspect of how I presented myself to express beauty and joy.

Lest you wonder if I carry this outlook into cleaning the house or digging in the gardens, let me put your mind at rest…the answer is most often not!  But when I go out in public, unless I’m making a quick trip to pick up more potting soil or the like, I do put effort into adding elements that I think express a positive outlook, including joy.  I may add a necklace, a scarf, a broche or decorative pin of some sort to whatever I’m wearing.

I love to be surrounded by color,  and no matter what setting I spend time in, be it home, my work environment, my gardens, etc. , I put  enormous effort into creating a pleasant and aesthetically pleasing space.  Here’s what I have learned and continue to learn about my efforts to emphasize beauty and pleasing presentations of myself and spaces that I occupy.  People take notice and express the positive impact on them!  Equally important, my spirits are uplifted by my efforts.

Here’s an example.  Late yesterday afternoon I was out in my front yard, on my hands and knees, pulling out weeds in the hedges that abut my neighbor’s and my yard.  I saw a car pull up and park at the end of my driveway.  I looked up, and not recognizing the car, I wondered if someone was lost and about to ask me for directions.  Instead, a middle-aged woman gets out of the car and approaches me, introduces herself as living nearby, and says “I hope you don’t mind, but I just had to stop and tell you how much I enjoy driving by your house and seeing your gardens.  Every time I go to the nearby grocery store, I take this way home –even though it’s just a little longer – so that I can drive by your home.  I just get such pleasure from the views.”

What an unexpected surprise to be able to share my gardens with a total stranger.  How uplifting in my own spirits to realize that something I created brought such pleasure to someone else.  What pleasant thoughts carried me through the rest of my weeding chores.

Perhaps you have had similar experiences, but maybe they didn’t fully register to make you aware that your efforts at creating and sharing beauty can bring pleasure to others as well as yourself.  Just to be clear, I’m not talking about the need to spend a lot of money, nor am I talking about the modern phrase of “dressing for success.”  Instead, I’m talking about letting the joy in your inner life, your positive outlook on life, be reflected in some external way.

I have this conversation with a close male friend periodically, and I agree with his assessment that we women have a much easier time expressing ourselves in how we dress.  As he likes to point out, we have so many ways available to us to “accessorize” – his words.

I was struck by a comment that someone made to me a few years ago: You’re lucky you’re still working – it gives you a reason to get dressed every morning.  Wow, we so easily limit our ways of being!  I remember thinking when I heard this comment that “You don’t have to be going to work to determine how you want to dress in the morning.”  I don’t remember if I shared that thought.

Finally, I want to pay tribute to my grandmother in this Blog.  Upon deeper reflection, I think one of the primary reasons the passage it Mead’s book resonated with me is that it reminded me on some subconscious level of my grandmother.  In her later life, she didn’t have a lot of financial resources.  She raised four children and was a single mother for much of her life. Her formal education ended at 8^thgrade which was the custom when she was growing up. She worked in an Avon factory in Chicago once her children were grown and married…and I was the fortunate recipient of many Avon samples growing up.

In her final years, my grandmother lived in subsidized housing, which was pretty basic and pretty plain.  But when I visited her, she and I would head to the local Salvation Army store, and we would search through the store to find inexpensive items that we could use to decorate her living space.  She always had interesting figurines and artwork in her home, and she had a wonderful collection of antique broches.  She always dressed in a way that exuded an element of joi de vie.  I think my grandmother shared Margaret Mead’s philosophy about the importance of bringing beauty into children’s lives!  Thanks Gram – your sharing of your approach to life lives on in me.  I continue to be grateful for all that I learned from how you lived.