04_06_2020

In Search of Hope

During this period of social distancing with most everything shut down, I am combing through my bookshelves at home in search of materials to read.  Aside from the research materials I’m using for writing, my search is either for books that will offer entertainment, escape, or soothing messages.  I experienced a very somber day after hearing last Tuesday’s predictions that we could see somewhere between 100,000 – 240,000 COVID-19 related deaths in the U.S. within the next couple of months.

Cultivating a deeper sense of Hope was definitely in my radar as I looked for comfort reading.  Consistent with the Zen teaching of Synchronicity, I found what I was searching for on the bookshelves in my bedroom.  Published in 2019, Diane Eshin Rizzetto’s book, Deep Hope: Zen Guidance for Staying Steadfast When the World Seems Hopeless, is providing me with some tools to work on activating my sense of Hope.

The book is organized around the Paramitas, beginning with the Paramita of Giving and Receiving.  I’m new to the world of Paramitas, but they are just virtues from the Buddhist teachings that offer us “portals through which to enter our daily living.”

Rizzetto explains the difference between “vain hope” where we are in search of a specific outcome and “deep hope” in which “we open our hearts and minds to what we can offer and what we can receive.”  As we open our hears, we can express our hopeful, heartfelt feelings and intentions, but we understand that these sentiments make no guarantees for any particular outcome.

If we think of the Paramitas as verbs rather than nouns, we understand that the search for achieving them is a continual evolving process.  The author reminds us early on that “Hope is a Journey, and Not a Destination.”  Another of the author’s insights that I find particularly helpful is her acknowledgement that “to study the paramitas is a process of studying the self.  It is also the process of living hope.”

As we study ourselves, let’s begin with how we practice Giving and Receiving in our own lives. “This first Paramita asks us to first consider the something and to realize the greatest gift we can give is ourselves.  Robert Frost in his poem, “The Gift Outright,” reminds us that the greatest gift we can offer to the world is ourselves:

Something we were withholding made us weak

Until we found out that it was ourselves

We were withholding from the land of living….

 Guided by the words of these two writers, and living in the restrictions of social distancing, I began focusing on how I Give and Receive when I am out on my daily walks.  Early on in this process, I found myself looking for some acknowledgement from others out for some exercise.  We must all have some need to connect with others whether we are aware of it or not.  I’ve walked or exercised outdoors for many years in my life, and I don’t remember people making as much effort to connect with others doing the same.

But in our current circumstances where we have very limited physical face-to-face opportunities to connect, I noticed pretty early on in this process that I myself was looking to others to see if they were willing to make a distant connection.  I simply started raising my hand to say Hello and was struck by the warm smiles and return greetings I was receiving.  It is definitely a practice that has caught on;  nearly 90% of those I cross paths with on my excursions either initiate or return similarly greetings.

After becoming more aware of this process of distant connecting, I put to work Rizzetto’s words of paying attention to both how we Give and how we Receive.  I realize that in some ways I am a better Giver than I am a Receiver, but I have continuing work to do in each realm.  (Reminding myself that it is a journey and not a destination.)

It is amazing what we can learn about ourselves as pay more attention to our actions.  I started by focusing on what I could learn about my “Giving” behaviors as I meet different folks along my outdoor jaunts.  Here are a few insights I’ve gained.  I realize I make judgments about others – even in these short opportunities to make connections.  Eleanor Barkhorn’s Opinion piece in the New York Times on Sunday April 5, 2020, gave me some insights into some aspects of my judgments about others.

Barkhorn shared her frustrations with people who are not paying any attention to social distancing guidelines when they are outdoors.  Her examples included people walking in twos and threes and who hog the sidewalk without making any effort to help create more distance between themselves and others using the same sidewalk.  She was particularly harsh on families, with kids on bikes, moving as a pack on sidewalks.

I realized that when I encountered examples of the frustrating behaviors Barkhorn described, I withheld my gestures of friendly greetings.  Hmm…at first I was angry that these folks would heighten the risk of contracting the virus for all of us.  Quickly my monkey mind would jump in with judgments about their lack of intelligence, non-caring, entitlement, etc.

I have been trying to soften my interpretations of their behaviors in hopes that I could offer a kinder self to them.  I continue to initiate moving 6’ feet apart, but once I do that I am able to say Hello.  Every now and then someone in the group will thank me for creating distance between us.  It has also occurred to me that maybe people just don’t understand what a distance of 6’ looks like.

I share my personal struggles with Giving generously as a way of acknowledging what I think of as a human tendency to both protect oneself and to so easily judge others as “less than” – fill in your own words here.

Then I focused on my Receiving ability, and I definitely have work to do here.  Even on the walks, when people wave back and offer warm and caring smiles, I find I look away pretty quickly.  I’m like that as well when people offer me compliments on something I’ve done.  I tend to just brush off compliments.  I can see that I have made some progress on this journey, but I am putting more effort forward as I’m walking.  Now that I am aware of how quickly I am inclined to look away once someone waves back, I now hold the eye contact longer and even offer a “Good Morning, “ or some other words of comfort or hope.

Deepak Chopra in one of his guided meditations asks us not to see uncertainty  – like the period we’re living through now -as the enemy.  Instead, he suggests that we open ourselves to see what we can learn from it.  As horrible as our experience is currently, and my heart and prayers go out to those who are suffering, I can see that I am able to learn and will continue to learn from this experience. Let’s work on cultivating the virtue of Hope together!  Continue to stay Safe!  Namaste