Know Thyself! Is This Goal Really Possible?
09_26_2021
Know Thyself! Is This Goal Really Possible?
Whenever I come across an editorial written by David Brooks of the New York Times, I definitely read it. His writing often speaks to current political situations, and sometimes he branches off into essays on the importance of character and a moral compass. In reviewing how we have behaved in society during the Pandemic, he has brought readers’ attention to how the choices we make reflect our commitment to the good of the community. You can well imagine his comments about anti-vaxxers and their seeming disregard for the health of others as they choose not to follow the recommendations put in place to help us contain the spread of the Covid virus.
He is well read, thoughtful, and a good writer. He also knows his way around the theological world and is comfortable weaving in teachings from scripture and well-known, influential philosophers and spiritual icons of the past. I find his essays thought provoking, and I find myself thinking about what he has said long after I’ve read his articles.
He did catch me by surprise recently, when I discovered his column titled, Is Self-Awareness A Mirage? If you have spent time exploring Mindfulness, Meditation, and Yoga practices, you know that much of this work is designed to help us live in the present. Part of living in the present is paying attention to what you’re thinking and feeling, and then trying to understand what’s feeding into those experiences.
The goal of this not-so-easy work is to empower us to choose our reactions or responses with more wisdom as opposed to just having a knee-jerk response. If someone offends you or disrespects you in some way, there is a good chance that you might respond in a similar vein if you haven’t taken the step of trying to understand why the action in question triggered such a negative response in you.
If you didn’t read Brooks’ article, here’s a link to the NYT published on September 16, 2021: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/16/opinion/psychology-consciousness-behavior.html
As you read the article, you’ll find that Brooks walks us through a variety of “expert” opinions regarding the possibility of becoming self-aware. The points of view he references fall on a continuum ranging from not believing in the possibility of self-knowledge to the other end which does offer hope that we can gain a better understanding of who we are and how we’re put together.
Brooks acknowledges near the beginning of his article “that it is possible for us to know what we’re feeling, just not how and why we got there.” In order to gather more information on this topic, Brooks reached out to others who have explored this topic from a variety of points of view.
Beginning with Wil Storr who seems to believe that we know so little about ourselves that we “confabulate” – a new word for me – about ourselves. In other words, we seem not to recognize that we don’t understand our past, so we make up stories about it.
Nicholas Epley, who holds a doctorate in psychology, rationalizes his disbelief in our ability to know ourselves by claiming that psychologists don’t ask their clients to explain “the causes of their own thoughts and behavior.”
The dial moves closer to accepting the possibility of gaining self-knowledge through the perspective of Mary Pipher. Her approach to working with clients is to encourage them to pay closer attention to observing their own behaviors. She asks questions like, “When did you notice that you started feeling this way?” as a way of helping clients gain more insight about what might be triggering such feelings.
This is an approach that I have found helpful in gaining a greater understanding of myself. Through yoga and meditation workshops, I’ve learned that is possible to “step outside” myself and pay attention to what I’m thinking or feeling. It takes some practice to get comfortable doing this, but I have found it most helpful in gaining a better understanding of what “triggers” certain emotions to surface.
Dan McAdams, while acknowledging that we may never be able to totally unpack our stories, we can get closer to what actually happened. This movement toward less self-deception does raise the shade to let more light in regarding who we are in our current state of being.
I liked that Brooks ended his essay with quotes from Lori Gottlieb, the author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone. Since Brooks devoted a lot of space to explaining this author’s perspective, I looked her up. I read a review of her book cited here, and then ordered it from my local library. Her thoughts on this topic confirm my experience doing the work of trying to gain more self-awareness or self-knowledge.
I like her practical approach and believe that she is correct when she states that “in order to change our behavior, we have to gain some understanding about why we do what we do.”
I fall on the positive end of the continuum, believing that it is possible for us to deepen our understanding of who we are. Will that understanding answer every question? Will it shine a light on all of the interior chambers of our life experience? My guess is that the answer to both questions is “no.”
But we can get closer to the truth by working on observing our behavior. I love the notion of having a “Pause” button that I have learned to access when I experience a strong reaction. Pausing allows me to step outside myself with the goal of seeking greater insight into what is prompting such strong feelings.
Brook’s ending to the article is why I enjoy reading how this man thinks. “In telling more accurate stories about ourselves, we send different beliefs, values, and expectations down into the complex nether reaches of our minds, and – in ways we may never understand – that leads to better desires, better decision-making and more gracious living.”
What a positive thought to contemplate today!
