08_22_2021

Lifting the Veils That Color Our Lives

                Part of the process of Composing Our Own Narratives is figuring out what veils we are carrying with us that are distorting our vision.  The images of a veil that come to my mind when I hear the word is of a bridal veil or the veils that sat atop of old-style hats and that could be pulled down to partially cover women’s faces. 

                These fabrics are made of lightweight fabrics like tulle,  so it is possible to see through them even though they do distort one’s vision to a certain extent.  The psychological or emotional veils that we carry with us are typically invisible to us unless we look carefully to see how they may be coloring our experiences. 

                There are many veils that can distort or color our experiences.  I’ve listed several that come to mind.  We might be looking through  veils of loss, low confidence, expectations, regret, longing, woundedness, envy, aloneness, disappointment, unfairness, confusion, cynicism, distrust, or anger.

                If you need some convincing to accept that we all have different veils that can cloud our vision at times, think about people you have met in your life that seem to consistently see their life experience through one or more veils.  I can think of people who see through veils of anger, cynicism, and an ever-present sense of unfairness.

                We’ve all heard that we have the option of seeing the world through veils of the glass being half full or half empty.   I’m not sure how it is they we acquire veils that impact how we experience our lives.  Perhaps it is easier to seek answers to that question once we identify the type of veil that we are looking through.  And it is likely that we have more than one veil that colors are vision.

                Throughout my career, I have been blessed with some wonderfully enjoyable work settings.  In these environments, I was fortunate to find individuals that were a joy to work with.  Together we definitely worked hard, but we also managed to have fun and to laugh at some of the absurdities that were part of the workspace.   My spirits are always uplifted when random events awaken fond memories of those times. 

                On the flip side, there are 2-3 specific memories that periodically surface, reminding me of highly dysfunctional work dynamics within an organization.  As I started thinking about the veils we carry with us,  I found I was searching to see if I could name the veil or veils through which I was recalling these particular events.  It struck me that there must be something unresolved about these incidents since they were repeated visitors.  They didn’t visit me all the time, but they show up often enough that I would like to see if I can find a way to exclude them.

                These several events share a number of descriptors.  First, they all involved exchanges in which someone was definitely trying to control as well as silence my voice.  My read is that  the individuals involved in these interactions were not very self-aware or if they were, they didn’t care if they were behaving in ways that most individuals would describe as emotionally unhealthy.  One woman in particular bragged that she has been known since her youth “for being good at manipulating people.”    

                As I think about these exchanges, I would say that I am looking through a veil that continues to seek a rational explanation for such behaviors.  When I can’t find a rational explanation, I’m left feeling confused, which may be the impetus that continues to draw me back to these couple of exchanges.  I am someone who likes to understand things.  That said, I’m feeling ready to accept that it isn’t always possible to make sense of others’ actions. 

As I hear myself say these words, I realize that we are all likely to have experiences in our lives that we can’t make sense of.  We do encounter people that are difficult to get along with, and that behave in ways that seem unacceptable to us.  Perhaps the best way to put this particular veil of wanting to understand the behavior of others to bed is to just accept that we will come across unreasonable people in our lives.  When these occurrences happen, recognize them for what they are and let them go.  We may even be processing such experiences as unfair.

I find it helpful to look through the veil that helps me recall what steps I took to take care of myself as best as I could in those circumstances.  What a great segue to remind ourselves that we also have access to more encouraging veils through which to view our life experiences.  These might include veils of hopefulness, compassion, peace, service, generosity, and connectivity to others.

We have veils that can remind us not to forget our strengths and our resilience.  When feeling overwhelmed from a situation in which we find ourselves, I find it helpful to think about other situations in which I’ve felt overwhelmed.  Recalling how we made it through to the other side of personal challenges is a great opportunity to remind ourselves that we have resources that we can draw on when we need them.

Can you inventory the veils that travel with you?

 I’ll close with a quote from Marianne Williamson:

“You don’t need a new life, just a new lens [veil] through which to view the life you have.”