01_02_2020

Looking Back As I Move Forward

While I have become less and less a fan of making New Year’s resolutions, I am finding myself thinking about signals I’m getting about the path that is revealing itself to me as we begin a new decade.  Last year I set two goals for myself based on what I witnessed a friend go through last year as a result of the sudden, unanticipated death of her older brother.  He died of an apparent heart attack in March 2019, and as the Executor of his estate, she spent the next 7-8 months combing through his belongings with the goal of carrying out what she perceived as his wishes.

This friend has also agreed to be the Executor of my estate – and while I hope she doesn’t need to exercise that role for some time – I decided from watching what she went through I could take some steps to make it easier for her.  So, my two goals related to this  idea included: a) meeting with an attorney to set up a Trust;  and, b) create a record of all of the information that I thought she might need to close out my estate.

I did in fact meet with an Attorney in the Spring and completed all of the work required to finalize the Trust by late June.  I began working on the information that I thought would be useful to her in settling and navigating the threads in my life requiring attention.  But after my initial attempts, my attention to this project waned.  But as we began to close in on 2019, I remembered my intention to complete this project last year, so I hunkered down after Christmas and pulled together the remaining information.  No doubt I will have to update my lists as time goes on, but I have a firm foundation in place.

Here’s what I learned from this project that I feel is useful to share with others. Instead of having a lengthy list of goals and things I wanted to accomplish, having a “direction” of what I hoped to pursue seemed less burdensome and more user friendly.  I would also venture to say that thinking of new directions this way may even be more self-compassionate.  Translation:  I found that I wasn’t beating myself up daily over not accomplishing things that I had on my To-Do List.  Instead, I would periodically remind myself that I wanted to complete these two tasks by the end of the year, and the noted reminders kept me focused on my goal.

In the past when I was still making New Year’s Resolutions, I invariably had too many things on my list and looking back, I think I was too specific in what I wanted to accomplish. Promising myself that I would go the gym three times a week or get in a walk every other day simply didn’t take “Life” into account.

Recently I read this interesting metaphor about how to think about pursuing goals; I can’t remember where I read it in order to give the author credit but if I come across the example again, I’ll retrace my steps and acknowledge the insights of another.  He – at least I’m thinking it was a he – said that we sometimes approach articulating our intentions as though we’re stepping off the dock into a motorboat, and all we have to do is aim it in the right direction.  Instead, he suggested that we picture ourselves getting on a sailboat where we have to cope with the currents, changing wind patterns, rough waters, etc.

The sailboat analogy makes a lot of sense to me.  Our lives are complicated and there are many issues that we consider as we make decisions about addressing what is important to us while attempting to maintain balance and self-care in our lives.

As I move forward with new directions and intentions this year, I am picturing that I am stepping into a so far unnamed sailboat.  Having experienced some sailing adventures, I’ve also learned that a wise skipper is also aware that sometimes given the presenting conditions,  it is prudent to sail for a different port than the one you were aiming for when beginning the trip.

I live in the Greater Boston area and we have many Harbor Islands in the area. I have had the good fortune to sail with a male friend I trusted at the helm.  On more than one occasion, he would suggest that we aim for a different island than the one we originally targeted for that day’s sail.

I am sensing that my primary journey this coming year is one that involves pursuing a path that deepens my spirituality.  I have been doing research on a course to follow the one I created and led this

past Fall.  Part I of the course focused on Still Evolving: Composing Your Life’s Story.  While I hadn’t intended to offer a Part II of this work, there was substantial and broad interest from the participants – including myself – to continue this work.  We did a lot of work and reflection in Part I to articulate major themes in our lives that are of our choosing, as well as identifying the hurdles and challenges we each had to face to shed the shackles that others in our life have tried to inflict on us to prevent us from continuing to develop.

Part II of the course is focused on Still Evolving: Becoming.  Now that we – meaning the participants – have a clearer picture of our narrative arcs and the themes in our life that have been with us for a long time, we can build on that base as we evolve and continue to “become the individuals that we are capable of becoming.”  I am in debt to First Lady Michelle Obama for introducing the important concept and reminder that we are all in the stage of Becoming more of who we are.

My research has stimulated my creative juices to imagine structuring the course around the notion of a solar system.  Each of us participating can think of our Story as the central planet surrounded by many moons that have the power to exercise gravitational pull and shed either light or darkness on our planet.  All of the moons offer interesting insights, but a number of them inform our spirituality:  Balance; Stillness/Listening, Inner Life, Integrity, Generativity. 

                I am feeling very drawn to the more spiritual aspects of the research informing this project.  Anne D. LeClaire in her book, Listening Below the Noise: A Meditation on the Practice of Silence, describes her own journey and the results of her spending time in Silence.  Near the end of the book she finally claims that Silence is in fact a deeply spiritual practice.

So as I step into my Sailboat which I’m thinking of christening with the name of Divine, I am setting my GPS on a course of pursuing a deeper spiritual practice, one that opens the door for me to develop greater appreciation for the Divine Presence that has given us life. I have a general direction that I am aiming, but I can’t tell exactly where I will land.

I am feeling confident that the direction I am aware that I am heading will stay with me as I commit to evolving and Becoming more of the person that I am capable of being.  I’m glad to  not feel constrained by specific goals, but instead, to yield control and let the creative spirits offer me choices on the paths that will become available for me to pursue.

Wishing you my dear readers a very Happy and Healthy New Year that brings you Joy and Peace.

Namaste