04_13_2021

Making the Most of Thresholds in Our Lives

                As I contemplate the choices that await me as we slowly begin to emerge from the constraints of the Pandemic, I came across the word “threshold.”  Thresholds offer us a chance to reset, to  use the opportunity to review some of the patterns or routines that have established themselves as part of our lives. 

                John O’Donohue, Irish poet and writer, said this about thresholds: “The word threshold was related to the word thresh, which was the separation of the grain from the husk or straw when oats were flailed. It also includes the notions of entrance, crossing, border, and beginning. To cross a threshold is to leave behind the husk and arrive at the grain.”

                Recently I have been trying to sort through what I might want to let go of, revise, and/or embrace as I stand at this threshold.  We have all been through a year that has forced us to step back from many of the ways in which we were accustomed to spending our time.  I never thought of being an introvert as a gift, but I have become more appreciative of how this type of personality has perhaps made it easier for me to manage this past year.

                Frequently during this time I’ve noted how much I appreciate the quiet, living at a more relaxed pace, and having time to hang with my thoughts and reflections for extended periods of time.  Don’t get me wrong; I’ve also at times felt the need to be with others, to gather in person for extended conversations and sharing of our lives.

                There are likely multiple ways to organize or peruse areas of our lives where we might want to make changes. Changes can include letting go or reducing the amount of time we devote to various components of our lives, as well as making room perhaps to add new ways in which we might use our time.  Let me list a few areas that have crossed my mind so far:

                Time spent devoted to:

• Relationships
• Demands of daily living
• Wellness
• Learning
• Spiritual Life
• Play or relaxation
• Service or Work

Reflecting on the quality of the relationships in our lives can be a bit of a scary experience.  It is easy to settle for less than fulfilling relationships.  We all have people in our lives  –  perhaps family members, former colleagues, or friends who we once had more in common with – but now find it a challenge to have meaningful conversations.  I enjoy cooking so having someone share discovering some fun new recipes is a form of learning that I find engaging.  On the flip side, describing what everyone you had lunch with chose from the menu doesn’t do much to hold my interest.

Paying attention to how I feel after spending time with someone provides helpful feedback on the quality of a relationship.   Noticing that I feel uplifted or energized after I spend time with someone versus feeling drained and glad to be moving on are clear indicators of the nature of a relationship.

Granted we may choose to remain in less than satisfying relationships for multiple, valid reasons, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t try and guide them to a more satisfying level.  It’s easy enough to invite others into conversing about topics that we find worth exploring.  Simple requests like, “I’d love to hear your thoughts on the book you’re reading,” or “Tell me about a conversation that you had recently that you found helpful.”  In other words, it isn’t reasonable to expect that others are going to automatically figure out what we enjoy talking about.

I’ve discovered ways in this last year of how I can bring greater efficiency to some areas of my life that are just part of daily living.  For example, before Covid, it wasn’t unusual for me to be in a grocery store multiple times a week.  I rationalized that practice as allowing me to buy what I needed and to purchase fresh produce.  Since we’ve been avoiding spending time with others, I’ve managed to do quite well with going to the grocery store every 7-10 days.  I’ve also learned how easy it is to order something online.  I’m hoping I can find a middle ground that includes supporting local businesses but making fewer trips.

I’ve enjoyed living in a more relaxed way that has encouraged me to not always feel like “I have to be producing.”  I’ve discovered that the world doesn’t come to a halt if I decide to spend an afternoon reading a mystery or taking a well-deserved nap.  Friends have shared links to a variety of learning activities available online, many of which were free.  By experimenting with different models, I’ve learned what works best for me.  It didn’t take me long to realize that my limit of participating in an activity via Zoom tops out between 2-3 hours.   I can return later in the day for another session, but I need to be able to get up and move around.

                Part of wellness for me includes spending part of my day engaged in some activity that has a spiritual quality for me.  I’m gradually getting accustomed to the reality that I’m not likely to engage in the same activity every day.  I may choose to walk, to meditate, to take in new information about my own development, to cook healthy meals, to garden, to engage with others, to take care of my home, to learn, to take time to enjoy being alive.  Avoiding living at a hectic pace is a prerequisite for both having time to engage in these types of activities as well as to be calm enough to benefit from them. I intend to bring greater scrutiny to how I spend my time so I might jettison lest rewarding activities in order to have room for activities that are more nourishing.

                In a recent discussion with thoughtful friends and colleagues, we all agreed that we believe it is important to transition out of our Covid environments at a slower pace that allows us time to reflect on the benefits of the changes we are making in our lives.  We shared that we want to avoid falling back into the pace patterns that we were living in pre-Covid.

                I’ve chosen to close with a quote from spiritual teacher Gary Zukav:

“There comes a time when the pain of continuing exceeds the pain of stopping. At that moment, a threshold is crossed. What seemed unthinkable becomes thinkable. Slowly, the realization emerges that the choice to continue what you have been doing is the choice to live in discomfort, and the choice to stop what you have been doing is the choice to breathe deeply and freely again. Once that realization has emerged, you can either honor it or ignore it, but you cannot forget it. What has become known cannot become unknown again.”