08_11_2018

My Heroes Inspire Me Onward

I am currently part of a group of women that was asked to identify our heroes, and I found that my response was different from others in the group.  I couldn’t easily think of one or two people that I consider a hero.  Instead, what came to my mind were groups of people that I respect and that have made or are making a difference in my life.

                So here’s the list I shared:

• Feminist researchers and writers who have expanded my understanding of women’s lives and development
• Thoughtful souls who put the time and energy into developing wisdom
• Spiritual guides who help myself and others find a way to connect with our true selves and find ways to make a difference in the world
• Ordinary people who demonstrate pride and joy in their daily work
• People who challenge the status quo.

So I’m curious as I write this to explore my choices in more detail to see what I can learn about myself from them.  As part of this exercise, we were asked to answer the following three questions:

• What are the specific qualities I admire in each of these heroes?
• How do these qualities show up in my life?
• Am I willing to keep expanding, learning, and leading?

So let me begin with Feminist Researchers.  I have great admiration for women like Virginia Woolf, Carol Gilligan, Elizabeth Baker Miller, Carolyn Heilbrun to name just a few on my long list of women that have served as guiding spirits in my journey to evolve as a woman at ease with my own mind, body, emotions, values, goals and aspirations.  I admire these women and others like them for they were bucking headwinds throughout their journeys as they explored more of their own depths and made time and space to listen to their inner voices.  Two of the women named here committed suicide, a decision which I associate with the uphill struggles of their life’s work.  Heilbrun wrote award winning mystery novels under the pseudonym of Amanda Cross so that her male colleagues at Columbia University wouldn’t ridicule her for writing fiction.  Heilbrun was the first woman to receive tenure in the English department at Columbia and she knew her male colleagues would look down on her writing mysteries.  She featured a wonderful female protagonist, Kate Fansler, and those of us who read her work understood how much could be learned about women’s lives through strong women fictional characters.  Such characters pave the wave for women to begin picturing themselves using more of their own strengths.

Women exploring women’s development in this era were listening to their inner voices, willing to listen to and explore what they sensed was real.  They continued their work even though in many cases they most likely understood that their pursuits would likely lead to future hardships.  They persisted in pursuing their passions even though they couldn’t be sure of the likely outcomes.  There’s no way that either Miller or Gilligan could know in advance that their research would open whole new realms of understanding that allowed women to understand their own moral development on its own terms without having to be contrasted with the male models of human developed championed by Lawrence Kohlberg.

For those of you not familiar with Kohlberg’s model, his viewpoint was that the highest level of moral development was a state of detachment that freed one from considering the impact of one’s decisions on others.  Women, because their development values relationships, were seen as less fully developed than men in Kohlberg’s hierarchy.  What Kohlberg missed is that men depend on women to provide them with a relational context: family, friends, etc. and to maintain all of the activities that nurture those relationships.  The work of Miller, Gilligan, and others empowered women to honor our proclivities to nurture relationships and to value their importance in our lives.  Valuing relationships became an asset instead of a liability.  Time has proven this awakening to be beneficial in multiple dimensions of our lives.

Thoughtful Souls.  How I love people who think, who take the time to educate themselves and to find ways of sharing that knowledge in ways that are useful to others.  In the era in which we live now, I feel like we are constantly bombarded with talking heads instead of thoughtful heads.  I grew up listening to educated news reporters like Walter Cronkite and Peter Jennings.  I just finished reading Michiko Kakutani’s book, The Death of Truth, which drives home the point of how our culture and the culture of  other nations have moved away from reasoning based on facts; instead it’s all about what I feel regardless if what I feel is supported by facts.

I admire those who put in the time and energy to learn, and then take the additional time to process the information, reflect on it, and use their critical thinking skills to determine if they believe the information to be true or not.  Thoughtful people are not only not valued in our society, they are also at times ridiculed.  My sense is that their thoughtfulness is in some way threatening to those who don’t want to exercise the discipline and energy involved in developing one’s thinking.

Spiritual Guides.  I love my spiritual guides for they have provided me with one of the richest journeys I’ve been on in a long time.  Having left my faith of origin – Catholicism – many years ago, I’ve wondered in an unstructured void for many years before finding writers – both fiction and non-fiction – who shared their work on developing a spiritual practice and creating a religion of one’s own.  I am much in debt to writers like Richard Rohr (Falling Upwards: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life) and Thomas Moore for all of his books on Spirituality, Caring for the Soul, etc.

I admire those whose work serves as a spiritual guide because I know how controlling and authoritarian representatives of organized religion can be.  Writers who are willing to explore deeper levels of authentic spiritual practices have to face the displeasure and often what feels like shunning from those who don’t want to entertain or explore other alternatives to established religion.

Ordinary People.  How I love ordinary people!  It doesn’t take me long to figure out that they are authentic, that they take pride in what they do, and that in spite of experiencing their share of life’s challenges, they exude pride and joy in their daily work.  Whether it’s the conductor I frequently see on the morning train who punches my ticket, the woman behind the counter at the cleaners who has a smile and kind words regardless of how hot her work environment is, or the woman in D.C. helping me with a complicated hotel reservation over the phone, and who senses from our conversation that I would be interested in visiting the recently opened National Museum of African American History and Culture.  Ordinary people inspire me as they remind me about the celebration of life!  They make a choice to perform their work in such a way that all of our work – if done well – can benefit the lives of others.

People Who Challenge the Status Quo.  Let me qualify this phrase a bit in that I’m not referring to people who challenge the status quo just for the sake of challenging it, but instead, I’m referring to people who challenge existing ways of being or thinking because they believe there are better or other ways to consider.

What can I learn from my heroines and heroes?  First of all, I think the concept of “heroism” goes well beyond the “flash in the pan” that popular culture associates with heroes.  Sometimes people may be in just the right place and at the right time to perform a heroic act that receives public attention.  But more often than not, the real heroism is what they did prior to that timely moment that enabled them to act as they did.  Think of the divers who rescued the boys trapped in the caves in Thailand.  Those divers had been practicing and developing their skills for years.  So part of what I value about heroic figures is the willingness, dedication, and discipline to do the hard work that helps develop the heightened skills, approaches to life, and outcomes that others benefit from.

I admire the courage it takes to both follow one’s inner voice, particularly when the outcomes are uncertain and the decision to stay with one’s journey leads to being criticized, threatened, discredited, dismissed or disowned by others.  Such determination takes real courage and carries an honor all its own.  It’s not easy to live as an outlier, but sometimes it goes with decision to be true to oneself.

I also really admire people who are joyful and who bring positive energy into their relationships.  I think it takes real internal work over many years to keep that flame of joy alive within one’s soul, but by doing so, people bring more joy into the world.

If I serve as an example, I can say that I count myself fortunate that I am able to connect with others who share the pursuits that I value.  Listening to and following your inner voice can be very demanding at times, but one can learn to cherish solitude, making one even more grateful for those companion souls who accompany one on these soul-filled paths.

My heroic figures inspire me with the energy and commitment to continue my own work.  They inspire me to continue learning, to seek out ways in which I can use my learning, skills, and interests to benefit my life and the lives of others.

As part of continuing to evolve, I encourage you to spend time thinking about heroic figures in your life.  How are they helping you on your life’s journey?  Feel free to share your insights in comments.

A hero is someone who understands the responsibility that comes with his/her freedom. (Bob Dylan)