01_31_2021

                One of the practices I discovered from reading Erik Wikstrom’s book, Simply Pray, A Modern Spiritual Practice to Deepen Your Life, is that we are capable of making our own prayers.  In the opening chapter of this short book, the author shares the results of his research into different practices of prayer.  He claims that they have four things in common:  Naming, Knowing, Listening, and Loving.

Here is a recap of how he uses these concepts as they relate to prayer:

Naming:  “…encourages us to look and see in our lives right now to notice how the sacred is present and around us

Knowing: “…involves us becoming comfortable with being able to see some areas in our lives where we could do some work, WITHOUT beating ourselves up!

Listening: “…involves allowing ourselves practice that enable us to quiet the mind and hear what our experiences, learning, and inner voices are trying to tell us

Loving: “…I interpret the author’s use of the word as synonymous with the phrase ‘loving kindness.’

                Let’s look more deeply at each part of what constitutes a prayer as a way of seeing how accessible this concept is on our lives, regardless of our religious or spiritual beliefs.  Let’s start with a basic definition of ‘sacred’  that I found by googling the term: 

“Sacred” refers to human perceptions on qualities often associated with the divine or higher powers: transcendence, ultimacy (essential and absolute truth), boundlessness, interconnectedness, and spiritual emotions.

Naming:  I am comfortable with the concept of Sacred as referring to anything that uplifts my spirit and reminds me of the beauty that surrounds us in our lives.  Witnessing acts of kindness, examples of caring, things that make me laugh or smile, the innocence of children.  The list is endless, and I’m finding that once I began the practice of simply naming these acts, I started noticing such things on a daily basis.  Naming is nothing more than noticing such an act, and by giving it a name. 

Such actions can also be abstract.  The availability of second chances, no matter how small or great in significance, it’s such an act of kindness that we sometimes get opportunities to perform what one of my yoga instructors calls “do-overs.”  If I make a comment to someone and as I’m saying it I realize it is being received in a way that I didn’t intend, I can backtrack and indicate that I want to try that again as it didn’t come out right.

Knowing:  Wikstrom has a wonderful way of describing the process of knowing as it relates to prayer.  He reminds us that we all have shortcomings, and areas where we have opportunities to understand how we behave as a way of growing and enhancing our abilities to live with loving kindness.  I am heartened by his reminder that increasing our knowledge of knowing ourselves is NOT synonymous with making us feel unworthy or bad about ourselves.  He quotes a Christian saying” God loves us just the way we are and loves us too much to let us stay that way.” 

Listening:  For me to listen and to hear, I have to have quiet spaces in my life that begin with shutting out much of the external noises that can dominate our lives if we don’t learn how to dial them back.  Walking early in the morning provides me with such space.   I also need to quiet my mind which is where a meditation practice becomes essential.  The insights that come to me by simply listening within a calmer space feel like magic sometimes.  I have no idea how they pop up when they do.  Sometimes I think of them as my “toaster” thoughts since they spring up in line with their own timing.

There is an element of magic to how these insights spring forward, and the word magic brings to mind an insight that Elizabeth Gilbert shared in her book, Big Magic, Creative Living Beyond Fear.  Her words were linked with the concept of creative ideas, but they also apply to insights.  She encourages readers “to think of insights or ideas as seeking humans who are ready to receive and nourish them.  They knock at our doors, or ring our doorbells, and if we don’t let them in on the first try, they may circle back.  However, they’ll only stick around so long and then they’re off in search of another human.”  There’s a fun but serious message in Gilbert’s words, and her words remind me of the importance of listening.

Loving:  We’ve overused this word  so much in our lives that it is difficult concept to translate into action which is why I have come to substitute loving kindness as more meaningful.   Loving kindness doesn’t mean that we are to be expected or to aim for loving everyone we encounter in our lives.  Instead, it is about realizing how we are all interconnected and that we share many of the same wants and struggles that permeate our lives.  Awareness of this underlying connection can help us open our hearts, leading to increased compassion and avoid doing harm.

I am working on developing a prayer practice that frequently includes one or more of these components.  When I am walking, vacuuming, or looking out my kitchen window as I cook dinner, and I am gifted with a sight  of beauty, wonder, or joy, I name it and offer my gratitude for that gift.  I have climbing hydrangea bushes that cover a wire frame fence that borders part of my backyard.  It blooms in the summer and offers a delightful but friendly sense of beauty and privacy.  In the winter, it becomes this haven and parking lot for birds that rest there in between visiting my birdfeeders that hang close by.  It is not unusual for me to witness a cardinal, a chickadee, or a tufted titmouse poke their beautiful little heads out to check on their surroundings.  When they appear, I notice a smile breaking out as I register how grateful I am for the beauty they bring to my life.

I love when I’m walking and I’m mulling over why a friend’s recent actions are arousing feelings of hurt, and all of a sudden I gain this insight from listening to my own thoughts and I realize that my reactions are connected to childhood experiences in which I didn’t feel heard or noticed or understood in ways that I was longing for.  These types of insights allow me to reframe my adult reactions and move on to more positive thoughts.

All of this work makes it easier to engage in the practice of filling ourselves with loving kindness.  It is a way of using our daily experiences to fill our daily prayers.  We can form our own prayers if we choose. 

Dear Creator,

I thank you for the many gifts of beauty that you surround me with on a daily basis.  I am grateful that you offer me opportunities to learn and grow, and that through my efforts and the gifts I have been given, I can continue to evolve and to grow into the person that I am capable of being.