02_06_2022

Spiritual guides suggest that we spend the first half of our lives being shaped into what others want us to be or expect us to be. Then we spend the second half of our lives trying to shed this hand-me-down clothing in search of our true selves.

Parker Palmer, one of my earliest and consistent life guides, shares with us how his life unfolded in Let Your Life Speak: Listening to the Voice of Vocation. He shares that early on he interpreted a Quaker a saying, Let Your Life Speak, as a “directive to pursue the highest truths and values while allowing these demanding standards be present in everything you do.”  Wow, no wonder we feel conflicted in our lives, accompanied by feelings of inadequacy and even failure even though we know that we have made positive contributions as we share our talents with others.

However, through a downward path from his own life experiences, he realized he was listening to the forces that guided the first half of his life. This path led him to multiple periods of depression, through which he finally came to realize that he had not been listening to his own voice. His words are so helpful in aiding us to accept all of ourselves. Read for yourself:  “Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you. Before you tell your life what truths and values you have decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent.”

Recently I listened to a sermon that included a reference to a quote titled, “Life is a Jigsaw Puzzle.” The remarks that followed included a reminder that you have to put all of the pieces together to get the complete picture. I immediately linked this metaphor with a deeper understanding of the challenges that result from trying to be ourselves while mindful that we and others judge us by what they view about how we live our lives.

Here’s the thing about discovering and valuing the process of becoming ourselves. There will be wonderful puzzle pieces that we hold as shining examples of our best selves. We volunteer our time for worthy causes to help others. We have developed unique talents that exemplify challenging work and dedication, like becoming excellent chefs or talented gardeners. We are gifted with a beautiful voice, or the ability to put words to paper.

But like Parker’s early interpretation of living a quality life, we easily assume that the foundational desirable qualities that have allowed our talents to emerge should be present in all of our daily activities. Intellectually, we can know that such an expectation is unrealistic, but since we’ve been conditioned since childhood to understand that the value of who we are is in part determined by what others think of us.

My guess is that the most visible parts of ourselves are the corners and the edges that frame our self-portraits. We find ways of burying what we consider the more questionable parts of ourselves in the interior. These pieces become harder to discern in the puzzle and we are less likely to share these parts with others. Another way of saying the same thing is that we don’t easily share the parts that contribute to who we are, but which may be frowned upon by others.

Let’s look at a sample of what might comprise those random interior pieces that we keep hidden. Do we like to curl up in the evenings and watch romantic movies when we  could/should be watching documentaries on saving the environment? Do  we enjoy reading good mysteries that allow us to step outside ourselves, and even enjoy an afternoon nap?

When you visit with your primary care physician for your yearly checkup, do you forget to mention how you enjoy eating the occasional serving of French fries? Do we share with friends how shopping for something new to wear or to brighten a corner in our home might lift our spirits?

We all can name others in our lives who may have become more successful at eliminating what they consider unnecessary or wasteful enjoyments in their lives. I admire those who can reach these states of being, but I question at what costs we achieve these states.

I, for one, knew early on in my life that I wanted to be happy and to experience joy in my life. Part of my motivation in this direction may be the result of growing up in a family that didn’t have the resources or the inclination to play, to laugh, to celebrate life.

Becoming our true selves and finding the voices that lead us to this destination requires that we listen to the inner voice “in here” calling us to be the person we were born to be. The soul calls we receive from our inner voice come with puzzle pieces that may not be valued by others. Learning to take time to relax may be seen as being lazy, even though relaxing allows us to still our minds and listen for the insights that have the capacity to help us grow into more compassionate and caring selves.

One of my favorite statements in Palmer’s book referenced earlier is a quote by Frederick  Buechner’s definition of a calling or a vocation: “Vocation is the place where your deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.”  Wow! I interpret this statement to mean that when we are able to recognize what brings us immense joy and happiness – even when these experiences consist of pieces may fall into the interior, more hidden pieces of our jigsaw puzzles — and connect that gladness to the deep needs of the world, we have been royally blessed!

Our life’s choices frequently include finding a balance between the end points of a continuum. In being ourselves, it makes sense that we be guided by aspirations that stem from our authentic selves to grow into responsible, caring adults who  share our gifts with others in the world. This worthy ambition is enhanced when we can allow ourselves to experience deep joy and gladness in our lives, even when that joy may come from enjoying the plethora of choices in our lives.

With Valentine’s Day on the horizon, let’s take a moment to at the very least turn down the volume of our inner critic who requires that we counter her input with a more enlightened understanding than she may be capable of. You might consider silencing her for a moment by sharing a piece of dark chocolate!