05_23_2021

                The theme for May within my Unitarian Parish is “Kindness.”  As I was preparing a discussion outline for the Small Group Ministry I facilitate, one of the first thoughts that popped into my head was to avoid thinking that such acts have to be superlative or unparalleled.  It is so easy to get swept up in this notion that ordinary isn’t good enough.  We are bombarded daily with overt messages that ‘bigger is better.’ 

                Our cars have gotten bigger; our food choices at fast food restaurants have gotten larger- A Big Mac followed by a Bigger Big Mac; and we are surrounded by messages promising us extraordinary experiences.  All of this supercharged language makes me wonder whether we have lost our way in finding meaningful experiences on our own.  Have we allowed ourselves to become so enamored of material possessions that we have become unable to find awe and wonder in our daily lives?

                I experience a similar reaction – both within myself as well as in others – when we are contemplating how we might be of service in our world today.  Many of the good and caring people I know don’t feel like they are doing enough to make a difference. 

We have lost sight of the fact that our small acts can and do have a positive impact on those we come in contact with.  Most of us are not in positions in which our actions are likely to have a super-sized impact on the world. 

We need to wrap our heads around the idea that small, daily acts of caring and efforts to have a positive impact on our world do in fact add up in ways that make a difference.   Practicing ordinary acts of kindness is a perfect example of this way of thinking about our lives.

Think for a moment about all of the small interactions that we may each experience in a day.  Try counting up these interactions for several days or over a week.  I think it reasonable to estimate that we each are engaged in a minimum of one hundred such acts within a week.  For example, here is a list of routine ways in which we may be engaged with others on a frequent basis.  Consider how you might interact with people in these or other categories in your daily life:

• Going grocery shopping
• Working in our yards
• Riding public transportation
• Walking in our neighborhoods
• Visiting local retail shops
• Spending time in our local libraries
• Talking with our neighbors
• Interacting with colleagues or family members
• Running weekly errands
• Spending time with friends.

But even though there is an anonymity associated with these interactions, there may in fact be multiple opportunities for small acts of kindness.  A little observation can bear out this claim.  I walk almost every morning, and particularly during the past year of imposed social distancing as precautions against contract Covid-19, the people I met on my walks were the only people that I might see in person within a day.

I noticed early on that people would respond immediately to a wave hello, or a good morning.  As time went on, I started looking for the people I saw each day, and if they were missing for a couple of days, I shared that I was glad to see that they were okay when I saw them next.  These simple words of concern always produced a smile and often words of gratitude for noticing. 

Weather permitting, I would stop and chat a few minutes with people that were working out in their yards during the friendlier weather seasons.  I was surprised by one gentleman, Chris, who I spend a few minutes conversing with when I walk by his house.  He always thanks me at the end our conversation for taking the time to talk with him.  His words helped me to realize that we have no way of knowing how much social contact each of us has in our lives.   A few moments of friendly connection can go far in helping us feel connected.

And that brings me to what some have labeled as the “paradox” about kindness.  What is it that an act of kindness that we extend to someone else also uplifts our own feelings of wellbeing?  Perhaps our efforts to connect kindly with someone else also address our own needs to experience connections to others.   I’d like to think that perhaps the personal uplift we experience is an affirmation of our desire to live with kindness and compassion. 

What I know is that the more I intentionally extend myself with small acts of kindness, the more that such acts just naturally spring from me when I encounter others in my daily routines.  Sometimes I find myself asking, “Where did that gesture or idea come from?”  I meet many dog walkers on my outings, and one thing I’ve noticed is that people love hearing nice comments about their dogs.  I might be commenting on the dog, but both the person and the dog show their appreciation and being noticed.

I don’t think about whether or not my efforts to make connections through kindness are having a lasting impact.  Instead, I focus on the smiles or other signals of appreciation that I receive from those I engage with.  I am a believer that as we each practice more acts of kindness, we encourage others to do the same.

If we all set out to practice some reasonable number of acts of kindness within a day, and if our acts encouraged others to do the same, it’s pleasant to think about the ripple impact such acts would have on how we treat one another collectively.

I find that now I think about what I might say or do when I am with others that might bring a smile to their faces.  The best part of these kind of exchanges that I find myself smiling more throughout the day.  Think about it this way:  Acts of kindness represent gifts that keep on giving!