December 28, 2018

Outsmarting Depression as We Age!

First of all, I hope everyone following my Blog found ways to celebrate and enjoy the Holidays that occur at this time of year.  I do enjoy the celebrations that anticipate and are associated with Christmas, not so much for the religiosity of the occasion, but more for the pagan rituals that put energy and thought into finding ways to offset the darkness associated with the shortest day of the year.  This is not to say that I don’t relish and enjoy the messages that focus on Peace on Earth!

I have taken a short break from writing for my Blog as my energies were devoted to celebrating and cherishing those that I love and care for while also trying to take care of myself.  I’ve found that even though my mind thought I could tackle any number of projects as the holidays neared and passed, my emotional body needed some quiet time to reflect and connect with all of the feelings that accompany the Holiday season.

In reading the morning news online, I came across an article in The Boston Globe on 12/19/2018 titled, Depression, ranging in severity, shadows old age for nearly a third of Massachusetts seniors, and written by Robert Weisman, a member of the Globe Staff.  I was both astounded and unnerved by the article.  The “one-third” percentage is what really grabbed my attention.  At that hefty ratio, I could easily find myself among those suffering from depression as I age.

While the article attempted to mitigate the high percentage rate noted by indicating that perhaps better health screenings have more accurately defined one of the side effects of aging, the article also indicated that depression is linked to “broader factors such as loneliness, financial hardship, and chronic disease.”  The researchers also cited “the changes and loss that accompany aging, the search for new meaning when people’s working lives end, and the pressure of growing old in one of the nation’s most expensive states.”

My initial reaction to reading this article was to find ways to fight back, as I believe that there are many ways of countering some of the natural issues that one is going to face once one reaches a certain age.  I’ve no doubt that all the reasons cited can definitely present challenges, but I believe that if we’re better prepared for these challenges and given some hints or guidance on how to meet these challenges head on, we can work our way through them and find ourselves on calmer seas.

Yes, and as I’ve written in earlier Blogs, one of the biggest challenges that I think we face as we age is how to find ways to spend our new found time in a way that brings us enjoyment as well as helps us feel  like we are still being productive.  I’ve heard so many who are fully engaged in the rat race of working make comments that they can’t wait to retirement, but I’ve also witnessed as people get closer to that change in their lives, they begin  to show signs of concern if not panic.

There’s no question that finding one’s way to spending time in ways that help one feel good about oneself is critical to one’s mental and emotional health as we age.  Keep in mind that we live in a country that in part defines our personal worth by what we do for a living.  If you doubt my assertion, just think about the leading question that most people ask in the process of making new acquaintances.  We are each asked and expected to respond to the question of “What do you do?”  As I thought about this question at earlier stages of my life, I grew to really resent it and wanted to practice coming up with “out-of-box” answers, like, “Well, I water my flower beds in the Summer, prepare the beds for Winter in Autumn, and in the Winter, I relish every minute on the couch when I can Nest, Read, Reflect, and just enjoy being alive!

How is it in our society that we settled on that question as a way of introducing ourselves to one another?  What would be wrong with a statement like, “Tell me something interesting about yourself that will help me get to know you.”  Instead, we’ve decided that the “quick and dirty “way of sizing up someone’s importance is to get the individual to tell us what they engage in for work.

Here’s an interesting thought to entertain.  In a note on one of my Christmas cards this year, a woman I had worked with for almost ten years wrote that when she looks back at that time, it seems so long ago and she hardly remembers it or places a lot of importance on it.  Instead, what I witness in this friend’s recounting of earlier life experiences as well as the experiences of others who are in the later stages of life is that what they cherish most in their lives are the elements that they valued and devoted time to developing throughout their lives.  Did they develop healthy practices that they are continuing?  Did they devote time and energy into developing a rich inner life?  Did they devote time to nurture and care for close relationships whether it be with family or friends?  Were there hobbies or interests that they cultivated; e.g., cooking, reading, painting, singing, exploring nature, etc.  Did they devote time to volunteering in the service of others or a worthy cause?

So we have to reframe and take the proactive step of redefining what is important to us as we age and not be defined by a mindless societal norm that doesn’t stand the test of time.  I also think that there are ways to counter loneliness, a state that often results as family members and/or long-standing friends move away or are less present in our lives.  We have to find ways to cultivate new relationships and friendships.

To do some of these steps, I believe we need to just “trust” in the process of expanding and evolving.  If we trust our interests and are willing to take the first steps and hang in there in the early stages of exploring, positive results are likely to follow.  More importantly, we have to find ways to allow ourselves to let go of some of the “rituals, traditions, or whatever we call them of the past.”  Let me share an example.  I enjoy sharing my festive home with others throughout the Holiday Season.   A friend of mine commented at dinner one night that she hadn’t done anything to decorate her house for Christmas.   My friend is in her 90s and she is someone I met in the last couple of years.   She proceeded to share all of the things she used to do but didn’t feel she could do physically any more.  In the midst of this discussion, she was really taken by an artificial white birch tree decorated with LED lights that I had standing in my entrance way.  I had hung small red balls on it and it is quite festive.

She asked me where I purchased it, and I shared that information with her.  The next day she went to the store and purchased one for her home.  Several days later when I was at her house, I helped her hook the tree up to a timer so the lights would automatically come on as it got dark outside.  She was jubilant and talked about how much joy the tree brought her.

So, as I’m always on the outlook for what can be learned in any situation, here’s my take away.  As we age, it is helpful to be prepared to let go of some of our past traditions and to replace them with new traditions and practices that we feel are within our reach and that feel right to us.  In my book, Still Evolving means that you most certainly can buy new decorations for your house, a new tablecloth, new clothes, etc.  Let’s find ways to enjoy meeting new people, some of whom over time are likely to become new friends.   Let’s keep re-inventing ourselves with joy; it is all part of living and growing.