01_25_2022

I’ve invested a fair amount of time in learning about how to practice self-compassion. I find it helpful to pay attention to conversations with myself as they give me a clear picture of just how much self-compassion I practice. Yesterday, after completing my gym workout, I learned that I as well as others never fully escape the inner critics who find their way into our lives.

Backing up a minute, allow me to provide background information on how I found my way to a gym in the Covid environment. For years, I held a gym membership, mostly for strength training. How often I made use of the gym varied with other things going on in my life. But I had one mantra that I think paid off. My repeated goal to myself was “just keep coming back.”  I adjusted my workout routines in order to maintain a willingness to keep coming back.

My guestimate is that I have been participating in strength training for a span of thirty plus years. And while I didn’t maintain a schedule of working out three times a week, I believe that my continuity over three decades, along with tackling physical chores in my home, have helped give me the physical strength I need to remain active as I age. I was a runner for years, but when I noticed that running was beginning to aggravate my weight-bearing joints, I switched to walking.

I also relied on treadmills at the gym for years, to the point now where I much prefer walking outdoors than on a treadmill in a gym. Walking outside there is so much to look at and experience that I don’t think of looking a clock to see how long I’ve been walking. On a treadmill, I am constantly checking the numbers to see if I am close to completing this task.

Once we began to learn more about how Covid-19 was transmitted from one person to another, gyms were identified as a potential hotspot for spreading the virus. As the scientific community documented that the virus is spread through released aerosols, gyms became places to avoid. I paused my membership at a gym that I had moved to after years at the same gym. It was freeing initially to not have to think about going to the gym each week. I increased my aerobic exercising by walking daily, a godsend during the lengthy days of isolation that we were all subjected to.

After a year of not engaging in any form of strength training other than conducting the chores of homeownership and gardening, it was becoming clear to me that my body strength and toning was decreasing. The potential loss of my years of investing in my physical fitness would be lost. Once again, serendipity reappeared in my life, and I saw an ad from a small local gym that was offering a 30-day trial period at a much-reduced price.

The gym is part of the KOKO brand that describes itself as the first digital gym in the country. I know others who are members of this gym, and they speak highly of it. I took advantage of the trial period that came with personal training assistance as I learned to use the equipment. Each of the seven stations at the gym comes with a computer monitor, and your workout sessions are pre-recorded on a flash stick inserted as you begin your workout of the day.

At the end of the 30-day trial period, I became a member. My goal is to workout three days a week, and so far I’ve been achieving that goal. I have mastered the directions to the point that I am able to workout without assistance. The last couple of workouts I have noticed that the feedback from the computerized tracking of my workout is becoming more annoying. The workouts are vigorous  and are increasingly demanding, although you can control the level of resistance or weights that you are lifting. At the end of each workout, the computer calculates how much weight you have lifted, your pacing score which is measured for each activity, the points you’ve earned, and how much time it took you to complete the activities.

There is a lot to keep track of within a workout as you have to make adjustments to the station itself to prepare the correct setup for each activity. Since I’m still fairly new at this, it appears to be taking me longer than anticipated to do the set up for each succeeding activity. The machine points out if your pace completing the routine isn’t keeping up with prior performances, even when what is being asked of you is increasing.

I realized that at the completion of my workout when I read a statement on the screen that says “your pace is slipping, try harder” or something to that effect, it effects my approach to the next workout in adverse ways. Instead of taking my time to immerse myself in each activity, I find myself rushing through the sets in an effort to meet the time limit of thirty minutes.

At last, my self-compassion channels kicked into gear, allowing me to recognize that I was letting a machine dictate an assessment of my efforts. Instead of feeling a sense of dedication and accomplishment, I was viewing my efforts as subpar. Once I realized what was occurring, I also recognized that if I didn’t take corrective action, I would begin to hate going to the gym which would eventually lead to my dropping out.

I share this experience as a way of drawing attention to how easily we can be sucked into someone else’s rating of our performance. And here I thought I had reached a space where I could rely on my self-compassion roots to avoid such deterrents.

I’ve resolved to take my time with each set, to pay closer attention to my experience, and to take note of the progress I am making, including that I am sticking with my goal to maintain and increase my physical conditioning.

So, what if it takes me 5-10 minutes longer to complete a solid workout; my body is benefitting, and my spirits and sense of wellness are also increasing.

The lesson here for me, and one I hope is valuable for all, is pay close attention to how we let others judge our efforts. If we are able to appreciate what we’ve accomplished, we shouldn’t need anyone else’s ratings to make us feel worthy.