Saying Yes to Joy
I chose this topic for the next several sessions based on current themes in my life. First, I don’t remember a time in my life where I have witnessed some of those who have access to a larger stage behave so badly. I can recall political candidates proposing positions different from my own, but I don’t recall watching people stoop to the lows that we are currently witnessing. Referring to other human beings as “vermin” is one example, and not surprisingly, Hitler is cited as someone who used this to refer to other humans.
On so many levels I find such repeated behaviors frightening and demeaning to what it means to be human. I am left speechless when I see someone exhibit these types of disgraceful behaviors. I am not sure how to understand how someone who exhibits these kinds of behavior isn’t mortally embarrassed to let others witness oneself stooping to such a low-level, degrading behavior. What the speaker who spouts such terms doesn’t seem to realize is indulging oneself in crass behavior serves as a mirror to one’s wanting soul.
Accompanying the use of inflammatory language are threats to intentionally harm those who see things differently. But at the heart of such shameful behaviors lies the most troubling point. Anyone who behaves in this manner believes that s/he has the right to impose one’s will and decisions on other human beings. This manner of conducting oneself is the largest threat to our continuing democracy that I am witnessing in my lifetime.
A friend forwarded an editorial by New York Times columnist, David Brooks, published on November 2, 2023. The title, How to Stay Sane in Brutalizing Times, explores examples of living with violence and how do we prepare ourselves “to stay mentally healthy and spiritually whole in brutalizing times?
I am fortunate that I had the opportunity in mid-November to participate in a five-part online series titled, Say Yes to Joy. For any readers who may question why it is important for us to make room for joy in our lives, I share a portion of a quote from poet David Whyte:
“Our abilities for happiness, and our abilities for a happy future epend on us creating a spacious foundation in our every day, free from the anxieties of the world, not only for our personal sanity, but so that those same anxieties can be addressed in a more constructive and generous way with a proper foundation of calm and a better understanding of what underpins human contentment.”
For readers who may be looking for more convincing words, here is quote from Ingrid Fetell Lee, author of The Aesthetics of Joy:
“The first moment of genuine joy is the moment of commitment to the human experience. Joy is what makes us human. When we deny that, when we push joy off to the margins, when we say it’s extraneous, or it’s a luxury, we lose a piece of our humanity.”
The following are the main points and practices I gleaned from Day One of Saying Yes to Joy:
- This 5-session course reminded me of what I’ve learned previously, but somehow lost sight of temporarily: Finding Joy in our lives requires attention and practice. While it can occur in what seems at times an effortless manner, during darker times, we have to put effort into finding it.
- I watched a video in which Oprah Winfrey was interviewing Dr. Brene Brown. After interviewing hundreds of people about finding joy in their lives, Brown asserts that she will never talk about joy again without linking it to gratitude.
- The main practice recommended near the end of this session was to find a way to claim your attention for 3-5 minutes at least three times a day. The first day I tried this, I selected three arbitrary times in the day and set my phone alarm to those times to remind me to engage in this practice.
- When the alarms went off, I was prepared to stop whatever I was doing at the time and look around the space I found myself in until I landed on something that I was grateful for.
- Here’s the rub on this approach: Two of the three times my alarm went off I was driving and didn’t have an option to pull over and contemplate my surroundings. This experience served as my cue that I needed to find a different way of tuning in during the day.
- I’ve been experimenting with ways to select routine events in my day that I can use as a trigger to focus on gratitude and joy. Here’s where I’ve landed so far:
- When I first walk outside each day, before walking, working in the yard, or running errands, just pause and look around until something catches my notice. The first time I did this, I heard a bird clearly singing, and it didn’t take a moment of thought to realize I was grateful that I lived in a setting where I could enjoy birdsong. Once I registered this awareness, my gratitude led to feelings of joy.
- I typically stop midday to early afternoon for something that I describe as lunch. It may simply be warming my morning coffee, some yogurt, or treating myself to a salad. I simply choose some spot within my home to call up a memory that I’m grateful for and that reminds me of the presence of joy in my life.
- I have two darling cats, and inevitably, one or both of them gift me with surprise and unexpected visits during the day. This is a no-brainer stopping moment, in which I don’t have to look far for gratitude.
- I am continuing to make associations between routine daily activities – making my bed, washing dishes, drying my hair – and pausing to name something I am grateful for.
My next posting – within a week – will focus on Day Two of the practice.
I close with a quote from Meister Eckhart:
“If the only prayer you say in your whole life
is thank you, that would suffice.”