May 22, 2019

Self-Rescue

I gained numerous insights from reading Mary Pipher’s Book, Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing as We Age.  So I hope you will bear with me as I periodically circle back to some of those insights as a way of deepening my understanding of them.

Many of you are familiar with the concept of “synchronicity” – that experience when a similar idea surfaces somewhat simultaneously from unrelated events.  Hopefully, I am paying attention when I am aware that a similar theme or idea keeps surfacing and asking to be noticed. 

I’ve learned that when this happens, some Inner Wisdom – call it what you like (Your True Self, God, a Higher Power or whatever) – is trying to let me know that I am ready to grow in some way.  Here are some examples in my own life.  Take staying at a healthy weight as a start.  For most of my adult life I shunned weighing myself as a way to watch my weight.  Instead, I keep a pair of “skinny” jeans as I define them, and periodically I try them on.  If they zip up easily, I think, “You’re doing okay.”  If they are a bit snug, I tell myself “You better start watching what you eat.”  And finally, if I have to practically get a pliers to pull up the zipper, the conversation is along the lines of “Definitely time to take it easy on food.”

As an aside, I hate using a scale as a measure of my health, as I’ve listened for many years to women whose lives are made miserable by the gaining of  a couple of pounds.  For the most part, my benchmark clothing seems to work well.

Recently when I was at a point that I felt it would be desirable to lose a few pounds, a friend of mine                 chose to share with me a podcast she had listened to about something called “the bone broth diet.”  As I listened to her, it sounded like a concept that might work for me.  So I googled the concept, discovered it was the work of Dr. Kellyann Petrucci, and I ordered a paperback copy of her work.

As I read about the plan, I thought it worth a try.  I did my homework and after a couple of samplings, found a vegetarian broth that I really enjoyed and that didn’t take that much time and effort to make. And I’m happy to report I think I lost about 10 pounds.  I know my “skinny jeans” definitely fit better!

I’ve had many similar experiences in the past, in which I wake up one morning and decide that I’m ready to take on a new project that involves my evolving and growing in some way. Pipher refers to this concept as “self-rescue,” but later she also uses the term “self-correction.”

What a powerful and interesting concept that we have it within ourselves – particularly if we listen to our inner guides – to self-correct and to get ourselves back on course.

Gradually, and I mean slowly, I’ve come to accept that our life paths are continuous paths of self-rescue and correction.  Once one realizes that, I think it makes it a little easier to welcome those opportunities when they occur.  More importantly, having established a track record in which one successfully “self-corrects” enables one to have more confidence that such attempts can be successful. 

Here’s where “synchronicity” comes in that led me to choosing this theme.  A very good friend of mine has experienced some major disruption in her life over a period of the last three years.  Her job has demanded more of her and she has been unexpectedly saddled with time-consuming family obligations due to a parent’s declining health and the death of a sibling.

But in a recent conversation, she shared that she was beginning to climb her way out of the resulting chaotic impact these demands have had on her personal life.  She shared some of the initial steps she was taking to bring some order back into her life.  She is also planning an extended vacation away where she can rest up and nurture her body and soul.

Within two days of her sharing this information, I was in a women’s book group in which women who are younger than me were sharing their struggles and recent attempts and commitment to get their lives back on a healthier path.  Having recently read Pipher’s book and come across this notion of self-rescue, I heard the shared conversations as examples of women reclaiming their lives.

These recent examples reminded me of my own earlier journeys that were similar to some of theirs, and I was struck by the realization that we can actually rescue ourselves, and facilitate great turnarounds if we can put the right resources and supports in place.

Looking at this concept of “self-rescue” from my own expereince– and with the expectation that I’ll be there again – here are some things I’ve learned that I hope are helpful to others.

First, it is essential to have loving and supportive conversations with oneself.  Each day and throughout the day, take time to savor your progress and to reward yourself with kind and loving words.  “You’re doing really well, keep it up.  I plan for this process to take some time, so I’m going to savor every small step of progress I make.”

Second, if you “let down your guard” on a given day, make sure that you avoid BEATING YOURSELF UP.  Negative messages undermine your resolve, your intention, and the resources you need to help you succeed.  Just find something kind and humorous to say to yourself, and move on.  Try something like, “Okay, thank you for reminding me that I am human and giving me this day to enjoy a piece of chocolate cake with extra icing.  I’m prepared to get back on track tomorrow as I’m holding a vision of where I’m headed.”

Third, and perhaps most importantly, DON’T JUDGE YOURSELF IN COMPARISON WITH OTHERS.  By thinking about my past “self-rescue” journeys, I realize how far I have traveled in discovering and living in my “true self.”  When people see me now – if they see me as somewhat together – while that may be a valid perception, they are missing seeing the stages where I was working to get where I am now.

So if you see someone that you think is really together,  never let that image discourage you from your ability to succeed on your own journey.  Everyone I know has had and continues to have their own travels that involve “self-rescue.”

Finally, find some way to enjoy each new learning that you are experiencing on your journey, and celebrate that as a reward for your efforts.  If you begin to feel better because you are setting limits in an abusive and/or controlling relationship, savor those moments of feeling better.  Focus in on what else you experience during those times.  Do you get excited about some new pursuit that you want to explore?  Do you  enjoy the relief from the critical voices?

If you like to journal, capture your feelings in writing.  I find that writing makes my feelings and insights more real.  If you feel like dancing – go for it.  Share your successes, fears, and frustrations with fellow travelers on this road of becoming our true selves….the companionship brings both support and new insights!

Sending you, my fellow travelers,  positive energy as we joyfully embrace and are grateful for our paths of self-rescue!