02_27_2019

The Secrets of Building a Good Day

One of the great pleasures of reading widely is that I frequently come across some powerful words that far outweigh the brevity of their numbers.  Recently in reading Mary Pipher’s new book titled, Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing as We Age, I found a hidden gem of a quote.   The quote is attributed to Iris Murdoch, and it reads, “One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats.”

That simple statement struck home for me on multiple levels.  I am assuming that I’m not the only one who has experienced the imbalance between experiencing events or occasions with a high level  of anticipation only to be disappointed when the level of enjoyment fell far below what one anticipated.  On the other hand,  events that occur spontaneously for which there has been no time for building expectations can often bring deep moments of joy.

The patina of past experiences can lead to a sense that one will never be able to enjoy again the highs that accompany first-time experiences.  I still remember the first time I went to Paris, and I was almost continuously ecstatic about every experience, even sipping afternoon tea or expresso in small, neighborhood cafes.  My first visit took place during the Christmas season, and walking the brightly lit, beautifully decorated Champs de Elysee was breathtaking.  Learning to navigate the Paris Metro – while to many daily riders might seem more like a hassle – for me it was an absolute adventurous ride.  That visit is a treasure that has been with me for a long time.

So, as I planned my next trip to Paris a couple of years later, I had conscious moments in which I would briefly contemplate whether this trip could match the levels of enjoyment and wonder that I experienced in my first trip.  I didn’t dig too deeply, probably a sign that I was somewhat in denial in reconciling that this trip would be different from the first.  I was stuck in wanting the same experience I had the first time.

Here’s what I discovered on my second trip.  Throughout the first couple of days, I was returning to places I had visited before with travel companions who had not seen particular sites.   I can recall some of my child-like voices jabbering on about “this not being much fun, I’ve seen all of this before.”  And then, Boom!  Out of nowhere, we would come across some unexpected delight that just lifted my spirits immediately and reminded me that joys and delights are all around us.  We just have to avoid defining what they might look like and be open to what is.

One example was discovering The Musee Rodin  and its phenomenal collection of sculptures. Another was stumbling on a hole-in-the-wall store that sold antique glass paper weights, a collection I have built over time from my travels.

Here’s another recent insight I gained from reading; it was a story in the New York Times about how Deepak Chopra spends his day on Sundays.  The detail in the story that I loved the most was how he started his day.  Once awake, he stretches a bit in bed, and he doesn’t rise for at least fifteen minutes.  In that time, he  contemplates what he can build into his day to bring him Joy.  What a great thought.

After reading about his practice, I’ve started doing the same thing and I am finding it has a huge impact on setting the tone of my day.  As I lie in bed, I mentally review what I think is my calendar for that day.  If I have a “busy” day, I go through each item on my schedule and decide how I want to approach it.  Do I want to change the order of things?  Can I combine something with an event to make it more pleasurable….maybe take along a book and find a coffee shop where I can enjoy a nice cup of coffee or tea and read.

Sometimes if possible I’ll take some things off the list if I have the flexibility to and if I realize that I need to attend parts of myself calling for attention.  I may find that I’m longing to spend time reading a book that I’m in the midst of. Or I may want to be outside to walk if the day looks promising.   Or I may decide I want to take myself to lunch.  Or I may just be craving a nap, curled up on the couch with my cats.

Here’s where the Murdoch quote comes in to play.  While this is a logically obvious statement, it seems helpful to state:  There is a limit of “one” first time for every experience, so we best learn how to find joy beyond that first-time pleasure.  I love the Murdoch quote in part because I am fortunate to have developed an appreciation for small treats.  Cultivating the ability to appreciate these pleasures is heightened by having greater awareness.

While I was cooking dinner the other night, I noticed out my kitchen window that it was still light around 6:00 p.m., and I was witness to a beautiful sunset.  The beauty of it the view registered with me, and I took a moment to appreciate the view and to take pleasure from it.  Coming into a warm setting after being out in the cold is more than a small treat!  During  storms in which people in my area lose power, I’m especially aware of and grateful that I still have heat.

In closing, I also want to draw attention to Pipher’s title of the book and the chapter.  She explains early on in the book that she chose the word “Rowing” in the title versus “Sailing” as she sees that to age well and enjoy the richness of life as we age most definitely takes work.  Good observation I think.  And I appreciate that by using the phrase “Building a Good Day,” the author is reminding us that the onus and opportunities rest with each of us to  “Seize the Day” (or Carpe Diem as Robin Williams emphasized in the movie Dead Poets Society). We have the power to Build Good Days for ourselves….let’s not give that Power away.

Namaste.