The Value of Reflecting
January 8, 2021
The Value of Reflecting
Greetings! While our current environment with restrictions in place that limit our social gatherings, I still found the Holiday Season impacted my schedule to a larger degree than I anticipated. Although, I have to say I found this Christmas season one of the most relaxing I’ve ever experienced.
The social distancing restrictions and the recommendations to avoid spending time with people that you don’t usually see on a regular basis meant that I did a lot less entertaining this year. Between book groups, Parish affiliations, neighbors, and friends, it is not unusual for me to host 7-8 groups in my home over a three-week period.
Recognizing that entertaining was off limits this year led to the realization that I had the opportunity to spend more time enjoying the season in the ways that are dear to me. As part of that realization, I – without a lot of thought or consideration – simply decided that I wanted all remaining holiday responsibilities to be completed by mid-December.
Having the week before Christmas as well as the week after Christmas to savor the season led me to want to claim this practice of simplifying going forward. I plan to continue to entertain others in my home going forward, but to cut back on how much of it I was committing to. This realization is a natural segue to the topic of today’s Blog: The Value of Reflecting.
As 2020 has ended, we are left with a unique opportunity to reflect on what have we learned about ourselves during this period. The virus has had a significant impact on our lives, some of us more so than others. I am fortunate so far in that I don’t know of anyone within my circles of relationships that has actually died from the virus. I know of a few cases where someone I know has contracted the virus but so far they have survived.
The other deadly component of this virus is the economic impact and the millions of people who have lost their work and source of financial stability. In spite of the numbers of deaths and disruptions in all of our lives, I am convinced that there are ways in which I am gaining beneficial insights from this experience. These insights will continue to unfold, and we owe it to ourselves to take the time to reflect and articulate what we are learning.
I find this quote by Margaret J. Wheatley captures the value of reflecting: “Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.”
As I have noted in previous Blogs, I am deeply engaged with others in endeavors that seek to aid us in continuing to evolve as we move towards becoming our best selves. Part One of this process focuses on Writing Our Own Narrative. Without this work, we are vulnerable to remaining trapped in the constraints of what others have told us about ourselves. As an example, in response to an exercise I had suggested that included minimal writing, one woman in my class who is on the verge of her 80th birthday shared that “she never puts anything on paper.” When I probed for her reasons, her response was “When she was in 3rd grade her teacher told her that what she had written was quite boring.”
Hearing her explanation, I realized that I had perhaps underestimated the degree to which others’ judgment and expectations of us shape our lives and beliefs about ourselves. The threads of statements like this elementary teacher’s words weave themselves around our souls and spirits, and if not recognized, can keep us from pursuing other parts of ourselves. We end up imprisoning ourselves, restricted by the bondage that others have imposed on us and that we have accepted as truth.
I used to be more inclined to come up with New Year’s resolutions as we turned the calendar to a new year. Life experience has taught me to think in terms of intentions versus resolutions. Intentions in my life play the role of moving me in the directions that make the most sense in my life and who I am becoming.
But before I go through the process of clarifying my intentions, I start with reflecting what I am learning from the past year. A good place to start is to answer a series of questions. Here are ones that I begin with:
- Looking through the lens of self-compassion, what are some of the positive perceptions I have gained about myself this past year?
I realize that I have been able to adapt to the changes in my life that stem from the precautions we have all been advised to take to protect ourselves from contracting the virus. Committing to the practices of wearing a mask, keeping the appropriate social distancing when with others, washing my hands frequently, and avoiding large groups of people took some getting used to. But I did it without a lot of inward struggling or complaining. One of my main takeaways from this past year is that I realize that I chose to see the safeguards as welcome opportunities to take care of myself and others. I learned I have the capacity to change and to adapt to new circumstances.
- Do these insights deepen my resolve to live my life to the fullest?
I was surprised to realize that I was enjoying more quiet time in my daily routines. Had someone asked me prior to COVID if I had a lot of noise in my life, I would have responded with “No.” But the fact that I was appreciating less noise was a signal that I had more noise than I realized. I think that this sense of less noise translated to a feeling that I had more time to pursue what was important to me. This realization periodically led me to question activities that I had been part of before, and to search for reasons for what was prompting me to participate in them. Was I in fact getting involved in things because of earlier messages in my life planted by others telling me “this is how you should be spending your time?”
- Do new insights encourage me to explore other parts of myself?
Yes. I find writing rewarding even though committing to create can bring new challenges that have to be addressed. As the cartoon on my desk reminds me, “The biggest challenge to writing is just showing up.” To show up I have to have the space in my day to sit down embracing that this is my calling for now.
And one of my intentions that I committed to in 2020 was that I wanted to explore how I might deepen my spiritual practices. I finally undertook pursuing this intention seriously this past year. Because we were confined pretty much to our homes, I discovered related workshops, readings, and other online resources that have been helpful.
- Are there things I realize I am ready to let go of?
I remember recognizing my own behaviors when I heard the marketing phrase, “product loyal.” I am still using the same laundry detergent product that my family used when I was growing up. And this sense of “loyalty” to practice has carried over to other parts of my life. I had been part of a couple of book groups for more than 10+ years each, but when they offered online opportunities to continue participation, I realized I had other ways I wanted to spend my time.
What’s interesting is that I had inklings that I wasn’t getting as much from either group that I had initially, but I was reluctant to consider taking a break. I am not sure why I bring this need for continuity forward beyond the undefined sense that there is something reassuring to hear myself say, “I’ve been a member of this group, or I have been doing this – whatever it is, for more than 10 years.”
- If I am ready to let go of things in my life, it may mean that I sense a need to make room for other things going forward?
Yes, I am finding that I want to make room for certain things in my life going forward. This process is connected with Part II of Evolving which has to do with setting our Intentions. Stay tuned as that is the focus on my next Blog which will appear in the next couple of days.
