What We Believe: A Boost or A Bust?

Lately I  have been contemplating the question, What Do I Believe About This?  I cannot claim my pursuit of this question as something I discovered on my own.  Instead I am in debt once again to the work Deepak Chopra and one of his 21-day guided meditation series.

When I first heard the question, I skimmed over it and judgmentally dismissed it as being too vague for me to wrap my head around it.  In a moment of pondering the question, I could not imagine how I would be able to get in touch with everything I believe.

And then I listened to the first meditation in the series, “Becoming What You Believe.”  Later that same day, I was unsettled by the actions of a friend.  I quickly registered that I had jumped on the monkey-mind train, and my “ego” was rapidly generating a discouraging list of all of the reasons my friend behaved in a way that I found upsetting.

But in a moment of clarity, I heard the question from the meditation:  What do I believe about this situation?  I realized that I had quickly composed an entire script to explain her actions.

The list seemed to gather steam of its own accord, and with each entry, I found myself sinking into a deepening painful state:

• I was no longer considered an important friend in this person’s life
• She preferred to spend time with some of her other friends who were more…..(fill in the blank: fun, interesting, etc.)
• I lacked qualities that would attract people to seek me as a friend
• And so on….

Once I realized I was the one creating a storyline that was not helpful, I hit the Pause Button and stepped back.  Instead of allowing myself to spiral into a negative space, I chose instead to focus on answering the question, What do I believe about myself as a friend?

What a difference it makes to actually put aside the messages that the defensive ego bombards us with, and instead look at the situation from a viewpoint that is more helpful.  I was comfortably able to list the positive qualities that I bring to a friend relationship.  I am attentive, caring, generous, willing to be helpful, loyal and I am an excellent listener.  I am engaged with life and have many interests that I am willing to share with others who are interested in similar things.   I am independent and for the most part, take responsibility for managing aspects of my life that I should manage.  In other words, I am conscious about not making unreasonable demands on my friends who also lead busy lives.

I am aware that my introverted nature can be frustrating to some of my friends who I feel want more of me than I am willing to share or give away to them.  I do not feel guilty about honoring my boundaries.  With time, and in the right circumstances, I am able to share more personal information about myself.

I am not perfect by any means, but I do have some gifts to offer others.

And through this one example, I gained some insight on how to focus in on what I believe.  As in this example, asking the question about my beliefs is clearly helpful in situations in which I am feeling some kind of anxiety or stress.  The Pause Button is particularly helpful in stopping the downward spiral, getting to more neutral ground, and then exploring my feelings or thoughts from a grounded, centered position.

I am discovering other situations in which exploring my beliefs is proving helpful.  Today I listened to a webinar by Jean Shinoda Bolen.  Dr. Bolen shared the story behind her deciding to write and publish her new book, How Trees, Women, and Tree People Can Save the Planet.  She highlighted three questions that we can ask ourselves to determine the degree to which our work is coming out of a “heart point-of-view.”  How deeply do we believe in the importance of the work we are undertaking?

• Is the work meaningful to me? (Many things in life are meaningful, but does an activity play a meaningful part in my life?)
• Will it be fun to work on? (Bolen notes that most fun projects will involve a lot of work, e.g., gardening, cooking, etc.  We know the work is fun for us when we lose track of time or when the work aspects of it fade into the background.)
• Is my engagement in the activity motivated by love? (Am  I doing the work because what I am trying to promote is of great value in my mind?)

As I listened to her insights about each one of the above attributes, I recognized that the hand of synchronicity was making another appearance in my life.  I am working on a manuscript titled, The Soul Difference.  The book is to those working in higher education institutions that serve non-traditional age students, first-generation students, and students from moderate to low-income families.

As to be expected, there are many mental hurdles that writers encounter as they are creating.  One of the more challenging hurdles is minimizing the discouraging voices. Examples of such messages include voices that tell you that you have nothing to say, this is too much work, you will never finish the book and if you do, no one will want to read it.

Having read and enjoyed Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, I  recognize these critical inner voices when they work their way into my head.  But recently I have found that I was in somewhat of a writing slump.  I can still come up with the words, but I was feeling like I was losing my edge.  Perhaps this is my version of a “sophomore slump” as I am close to midway through my writing.

Listening to Bolen’s summary of the attributes that serve as signals that an endeavor you are undertaking is truly coming from your heart and authentic voice, I knew immediately that writing this book is a genuine calling for me.  Her words came at a perfect time as they helped me renew my belief that I want to engage in this work and that I believe I can be successful.

I am learning that while the question, What do I believe?, in the abstract may not have much meaning, it can certainly be a powerful tool in specific circumstances.  As a starting place, when you are experiencing discouragement, sadness, or a sense of being ungrounded, it may be a good time to hit the Pause Button.  Step back and explore what you believe about the situation that is troubling you.  Question those beliefs and see if you can find more positive beliefs to replace them.

Keep in mind that our egos have taken on the role of always comparing us with others, and if we have crevices of doubt in our self-esteem, the ego will begin the process of truly undermining our wellness.  But we can right ourselves by asking the simple question, What do I believe?