Why I Find the Nautilus Shell as an Inspiration

Ever since I read about the Nautilus and how it grows and evolves, I’ve been enamored with it as a metaphor for life.  Bear with me as my description of it is clearly presented in a layperson’s terms.  Here’s how I envision its life:  As the Nautilus grows and matures, its body moves forward into a new chamber.  When this occurs, the prior chambers are sealed off. The last chamber, which is the largest chamber, is used as the living chamber.

Are you getting why I like this creature as a symbol for “still evolving?”  If only the passages in our life were this neutral and accepted without baggage.  Instead, if my life serves as a reliable source of information, I think we not only struggle with our own evolution, I think we often fight it, resist it, and/or feel guilty about it.  Speaking for myself, I know especially in earlier stages of my adulthood I felt like I was flying blind as I moved through some serious transitions.  For instance, while taking the initial steps to explore my growing awareness that I no longer felt connected or comfortable with my religion of origin, I was anxious about undefined risks that I associated with walking away from something that I had been indoctrinated to believe had left an indelible mark on my soul.  I had no idea if I would miss the rituals, and I didn’t have anything in mind to replace it with.  Beginning the exploration to determine where this religion actually fit in my life eventually led to my leaving it for good – a decision that felt right but also left me feeling somewhat adrift.  It has taken me years to “build” a spiritual practice that is indeed transformative and rewarding.

Going through a divorce opened all kinds of sealed closet doors where I had to eventually confront and face some life altering questions.  Why didn’t my marriage work?  Could I have done something differently to keep the marriage healthy and good for us both?  At the time, the last thing I was thinking about was whether or not I would ever marry again. But I do remember a sense of darkness as I contemplated what it might mean in my life if I were to live alone.  Once I understood that the darkness I was feeling was the result of my accepting without question the notion that I had to have a husband or partner living with me to be happy.  Once I replaced my mistaken assumption with a more optimistic outlook, the darkness lifted.  Metaphorically, I don’t need a husband in order to put up a Christmas tree, a celebration and ritual I relish. 

When I finished my graduate degrees and started to experience what I thought of as rewarding professional experiences that offered some possibilities for future growth and direction, leaving a job for another position brought different kinds of overhead clouds as I was aware of leaving something I knew for something less well known.  Such transitions were more unnerving as I was aware that many people seemed content to work within the same organization for most of their careers.  Many of them even touted it as a benefit, and often there was a sense of pride or privilege that accompanied the accumulated years of experience within one organization.

What I find informative and encouraging about the Nautilus is that as it grows and evolves it moves into a new chamber, but it doesn’t leave the other parts of itself behind.  It stays together as a whole.  The image that it closes off previous chambers which I interpret in the most positive light to mean that it doesn’t dwell on the past in an attempt to relive it or to rewrite it.  The past however is part of its being.  It doesn’t sever its roots.

Looking back now with a more informed perspective, I can more clearly appreciate that as I have evolved I didn’t cut myself off from my past history.   Instead, I believe that my history and past experiences have helped me better understand myself and get in touch with what really matters to me.  There have frequently been times in my life to this point where I most definitely have been concerned about the potential implications that could result from some of the decisions I’ve made.

There is a mystery associated with these transitions and evolving chambers that represent seasons of my life that I was aware of as they occurred but that I can’t fully explain.  The fear and concerns I may have associated with certain decisions were not enough to keep me from moving forward.  I mentioned in an earlier blog that the concept of “self-actualization” that I encountered in my Intro to Psych course in college really resonated with me.

My family environment – including parental attitudes – didn’t really encourage or acknowledge the idea of “self” or that children would naturally evolve and follow their own choices.  As a result, I think learning that there was even a term and some value associated with making choices that felt right for me was empowering.  I came to understand that it was not only okay to make such choices but also to realize that if I avoided those decisions along the way or made decisions based on what others expected of me could result in a diminished life.  The idea that I should anticipate that I would have choices to make in life made more than a serious impression on me.  Perhaps this empowering concept was a form of “blessing and permission” that allowed me to accept and follow my curiosity about the choices that were available to me.

I pretty much remember when I decided I didn’t want to have children.  I was babysitting one summer when I was in high school, and I quickly realized that I didn’t have much interest in raising children.  Any number of people informed me that I would regret that decision as I got older, and I can honestly say I’ve never regretted that decision.

As I write this, I’m wondering where in one’s life does one find guidance about the process of evolving?  Are the initial seeds planted in one’s childhood by insightful parents and families?  There may be some practices or teachings within K-12 settings that are part of the curriculum currently but I’m not aware of them.  Surely there is room to create some guidance and support for people who are interested in becoming more comfortable and attuned to listening to and following their inner guidance systems.  Therapists I know can serve as supports in this process, but they are costly and it does take some work as well as luck to find someone who understands your own chambers.  Good friends in my life have been one of my best guides and supports in the process of growing.

Part of continuing to evolve as one ages seems like it is easier to pursue if one has been exploring evolving throughout one’s life.  Like the Nautilus, I am very comfortable living in the chamber that I am currently in.  I do look back at prior times in my life, but not with an eye of self-blame, but more with an eye of gaining more insight and compassion regarding what was going on with me during that time.  If I knew then what I know and understand now, I may have made different decisions.  I’m learning that having compassion for myself during those earlier chambers of my evolving self has made it much easier to have compassion for those in my life currently.

As noted before, I don’t pretend to have all of the answers; instead, I am more comfortable claiming what I think are the practices that have helped me reach this stage of my life with a sense of optimism, joy, and excitement about the opportunity to continue to learn and grow.  Wisdom teachings stress the importance of having lightness in your life – allowing yourself to experience “flow” or moving through the waves of life’s experience.  I can easily call to mind the lightness of the Nautilus and picture its buoyancy as it flows with the current.

For those readers who may not be familiar with Erik Erikson’s Stages of Development, I’ve included them here.  If we focus on the latter two stages, there is an emphasis on generativity and integration, both of which to me suggest that these phases of our lives offer us the opportunity to continue to evolve.  Not unlike the Nautilus, we have the good fortune to seize the chance to reflect on our lives and integrate our multiple passages into a narrative that acknowledges lessons learned in a story line that uses those experiences to help us become more compassionate, caring human beings willing to use our talents in service and to create joy for ourselves and others.