01_13_2021

                In my most recent Blog, I shared my thoughts on why it makes sense to check in now and then to see if there are things that we are ready to let go of.  Many of us engage in this process at different points within a year, and perhaps we don’t make a big deal of it.  When I’m switching my closets in order to have clothes handy that are more appropriate for a new season, I look to see what I am ready to let go of.  Some things are easier to let go than others.  For clothing items I’m not sure if I’m ready to part with, I put them in their own bag and tuck them away in the corner of a closet.  If within several months I haven’t once thought about anything in that bag, I know I’m ready to let go.

                Staying with the clothing metaphor, the process of weeding out things no longer worn ends up making room for new items.  I have a finite number of hangers, and I always know I’ve done a decent job of letting go when I have numerous empty hangers on hand.  Each season I limit what I add back to my closet to the number of available hangers  I have on hand.

                Letting go isn’t wasteful; it is a way of making room for something new.  That something knew can be how we take care of ourselves.  Perhaps we want to change our eating habits, or we may want to add in a greater variety of exercise choices.  May we want to finally get to the list of books we have been wanting to read.  Maybe we want to spend more time with friends or family, or maybe want to spend more time on our own.

                Anything new we decide we want to bring forward in our lives requires space in our lives, just like new clothes require space within our dressers or closets.  I’m not sure that anyone ever taught me how to add something new in my life.  Think about your own lives.  The best I can come up with is the practice of making resolutions at the beginning of each calendar year.

                When I was first out of college, I did get caught up in making resolutions at the start of the new year.  Looking back, I am sure that there were a couple of practices that took hold, but I am certain that many more fell by the wayside.  I can remember deciding that I wanted to work out at the gym more as one of my resolutions.  The winter weather challenges that those of us who live in New England face is a great reason for not choosing that time of year to hit the gym more often. 

                I had better luck when I committed to that practice in more friendly weather months.  Coming home from work in the dark – it gets dark here shortly after 4:00 in the deepest winter months, and then venturing back out in the cold offers opportunities to rationalize why it would be much more comforting to curl up at home.

                What finally got me to the gym one April was signing up for a fundraising bike ride to take place in the Fall.  I had a goal in mind, and it was light out after work, and the weather was pleasant.  I kept at it after the bike ride, and it was interesting to watch all of the new people who appeared in the gym come January.  It made for a much more crowded workout space, but I trusted that my experience would translate to others, and I was correct.  By the end of January, the gym was less crowded.

                I’ve learned it helps to have a goal in mind when I am thinking about adding or expanding something new in my life.  I need something to motivate me to continue to work at change.  Envisioning the benefits, as well as seeing some progress early on is definitely helpful.

                I’ve also learned something about the process of preparing for change in my life.  Instead of making a resolution and jumping right in, I now work with Setting an Intention.  What’s the difference between a Resolution versus an Intention?  A Resolution seems to call for immediate definite action: “I will do this!  I have gradually realized that changing something about my life on a moment’s notice usually doesn’t work.  However, I find that when I have been thinking about doing something for some time – that is I have an Intention about change, I am more likely to eventually get to a point where I act on that Intention.

                One caveat on my last remark…whatever I am thinking about changing in my life has to remain important to me.  I entertain many ideas of things I would like to do; learning to speak a new language; travelling overseas; becoming a vegan, and so on.  These ideas stay with me over time, and any number of factors can impact whether they end up being something I make time for.

                When an intention is connected or cross-referenced with other intersections in my life, it moves closer to the top of my list of “want to do.”  I have a growing number of friends that are vegetarian, and some have moved to becoming vegans.  I am not there yet but I do think about it.  When I first became a vegetarian many years ago, that path meant giving up meat from animals.  But at the time I was still eating fish.  Over a year ago a dear friend that is a vegetarian shared an experience that led her to eliminating fish from her diet. 

                When she shared the story, I immediately realized that I had been thinking along these same lines for quite some time, but I was struggling on how I would manage adjusting my diet without some fish in it.  But I jumped in, and so far I have been able to manage without fish in my diet.  I know I will face a challenge when I am able to invite people over for dinner again, as most of my friends are still meat or fish eaters.  At potluck dinners when I’ve cooked one of my veggie meals, and depending on the crowd, I am not sure that people feel well fed.  I’ll have to cross that bridge when I come to it, but for now, I’m staying with eliminating fish.

                As I entertain an Intention over time, I witness a process that occurs almost subconsciously.  I have moments where I might get ideas on how I might manage a change; insights that help the change seem more doable.  Sometimes I come across more reasons to make the change, which deepens my motivation.  When I discover resources – whether it be another person, a book – that makes the change seem more appealing or offers a practical way to go about it, I can feel myself moving closer to embracing it.  This process of extended holding of an intention also makes it possible to let the intention go when I realize I am not invested in it enough to pursue it.  Other intentions have taken priority in my life.

                I recently discovered James Clear’s new book, Atomic Habits:  An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good New Habits and Break Bad Ones.  It is a pleasurable, easily accessible read, and I find it full of small steps that lead to bigger change.  It’s a worthwhile read.

                Part of continuing to Still Evolve means that we have room to make changes in our lives.  We have the opportunity to select directions and practices that will enrich our lives.  How exciting to look forward to new discoveries about ourselves!